I'm feeling so grateful

Today I am so grateful for

• a loving God who helped me stay away from that first drink today.
• a great home group! I LOVE my recovering friends so.
• a new contract at work guarantees me another three years with a great job/great benefits etc. Thank God!
• a capable vehicle which I used to pick up two of my drunks to go to tonights meeting.
• the ability to be able to help others.
• the laughter and the sorrow shared at our meeting tonight.
• the reminder that its not all peaches and cream in recovery.
• ALL of YOU.

SWEET DREAMS to you all......QUEEN OUT

Gratitude

Its been too long since I put my fingers to the keyboard and let y'all know how blessed I am~

I am so grateful that I am no longer in an abusive, alcoholic relationship. I see and hear things around me all the time truly feel for the people who are still "stuck" like I was. There is a way out.

I will celebrate another birthday in AA soon, I am so grateful for this most wonderful program and all of those who came before me.

My son's birthday is the same day as my AA birthday and I think that is the coolest shit EVER. We share a birthday.....WOW

I have a true friend in one of POS sisters. She truly understands me and has stood up for me when needed and for that I thank her.

I still have my job, my home,my son, my car, my LIFE. None of which I would have without AA

I have the RESPECT of my peers and my family. again WOW

I have the best home group ever. If you don't feel the same way about yours-get another one.

I get to go to work tomorrow and earn double time.

Blast O Butter popcorn and Java Chip Frappichino Ice cream. yeah.

I get to go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning now. As opposed to passing out and coming to.

No more guilt and shame. Gone, bye, cya. That is the best I tell you.

You all have an awesome weekend. I know I will.....QUEEN.....OUT

I got nuthin

To complain about that is! How nice it feels not to have to come in here or anywhere really, and bitch about something that isn't going MY way. How nice not to have to come to this morning and contemplate whether or not I would be gracing my job with my presence. Oh and then there's the lie I would have to tell them about WHY I wouldn't be going in THIS TIME. "I am having trouble with my eyes, I can't see coming in today" HA HA HA. Yea. That kind of fucked up stuff I no longer need to do. I have AA to thank for my sanity today and every day. What a blessing. I am just a happy Queen today.

I found the perfect gift for my son today. His birthday is in a few weeks and I stumbled upon this here item and snatched that shit right up. It is a ONE POUND Reese's Peanut Butter Cup candy bar......Actually it is a package of TWO cups, each 8 ounces. ITS HUMUNGOUS! He is going to love it! SCORE!

Thanks for letting me share...QUEEN.....OUT

What my fat ass is up to

I have got to get back to blogging regularly again. God forbid anyone misses any of the importunates of my exciting daily drama. Actually, there has been not so much drama as of late. Which is fricken wonderful. The latest was the Drunkle Uncle saga, and I am happy to tell you he is FINALLY out of the hospital. He got out yesterday and THANK SO MUCH for all your prayers and kind words. I am hoping and praying that he does the right thing for himself, it's all I can do.

How bout a gratitude list to get me going again. It's been too long and I have much to be grateful for~~

• I had a follow up meeting with Princes new school and they are PLEASED WITH HIS PROGRESS. WHEW! I knew my boy could do it!


• Drunkle Uncle is home and on the mend. Hopefully he won't be stopping by any liquor stores and time soon.


• Its fall and I am so glad to have all that hotness go the hell away. Queenie does not like to sweat-unless of course if its during all that hot sex that I still ain't gettin' any of. Dammit


• Even if there was the sex going on, where the hell would I have it? I have a house full. BUT I am grateful for that as well. I just love my family-I really do.


• Sister is still here and I am so glad she has stuck it out and stayed here. There's no going back for her now. Thank you GOD.


• Blasto-Butter Popcorn. Nuff said.


• The ability to get up and go to work every day, since I don't see anyone busting down the door to pay my bills. Mama need her a sugar daddy.


• Actually I DON'T need a sugar daddy, I have always been able to support myself and my family. For this I AM grateful.


• Good meetings and great recovery friends. WE can not do this alone.


• Iced Coffee. Not that Starbucks shit either. My own home brew is the best!


• I have actually been thinking about the holidays coming up. I used to DREAD this time of year. Now I look forward to having my family over for holiday dinners-we have the best time. Love them.


• Good health. For the most part all of us are pretty happy and healthy. This is HUGE.


• For our troops, God bless them all.


• Blogger buddies, I read everyone daily. I suck at comments, but I DO enjoy reading y'all

Oh and how could I forget BEJEWELLED BLITZ. Yea, like I need to be sitting here gettin' secretaries ass clickin' away like it's my damn job trying to get to first place every friggin day. Yep, just what my ass needed.

I hope you all have a blessed day...QUEEN....OUT

Post # 100

Well ladies and gentleman, I'd like to thank all my faithful followers and stalkers alike (ya- -I WISH) for hanging on with me as I ride this sometimes rocky journey of mine. Rocky as it is at times, it is a walk in the park compared to the old road I was on. I have enjoyed this online part of my recovery. I welcome all comments and opinions. It's amazing to me that some of the people like myself, who have been to hell and back through the years of abusing ourselves with alcohol and drugs, give the best advice you could ever get. It is greatly appreciated and I am so grateful that I have found this online recovery community.

What else am I grateful for?

I am grateful for the new attitude and new outlook I now have in life.

I am grateful for getting through last week without verbally or physically injuring former family members for the way that they treated my son.

I am grateful that I am FINALLY letting go some of that ANGER and RESENTMENT that I felt towards some people last week. OH ITS STILL THERE, but it lessens each and every day the more I pray for it to be lifted.

I am grateful that I had an awesome meeting at my home group tonight. GUESS WHO gets to lead the meeting for the next 3 months? Yours Truly.

I WAS NOT grateful for having to lead the meeting and did NOT want to attend tonight. HOWEVER, I was grateful once the meeting was over and it went without a hitch. WHEW.

Blast-O-Butter Popcorn.

I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to GO ON VACATION next week! We are heading to Lake George, NY. Any suggestions on good lodging would be welcomed and appreciated. Either that or I throw a dart at my monitor and that's where the Queen shall lay her head for the week.

I am grateful that you all didn't RUN FOR THE HILLS when you read the craziness in last weeks posts.

You all have a kick ass evening. I know I will. QUEEN......OUT

FYI-I hit spell check and they were NO MISSPELLINGS found. Maybe there IS hope for those old bruised and battered brain cells.

Gratitude-Long Overdue

• I can't even express here how thrilled I am to finally have my sister here with me.

She is finally free.

I hope and pray that she can be strong and stay focused on what she needs and wants-because if Mama is not happy-nobody is!

I am happy that my son let his walls down and hung out with some children today. I visited family today with both boys and my son was sociable and SMILING today.

I am grateful for my job and all of the freedom I have in the workplace. My job somehow survived through some awful years of my active alcoholism. I am a very lucky girl indeed.

I have some pretty neat people in my life who I am getting to know again. You know - now that I am not living around in that damn bottle anymore. That is cool as hell.

*I left off here the other night, so here is my gratitude continued.....

Good Health-I went to the doctors today and all is well for the most part. BP good, weight not so good. More exercise blah blah blah....Scheduled my mammogram for tomorrow. I been praying for someone to play with the girls but this is just ridiculous.

I went to get my blood work done today and they told me I needed to fast for 12 hours. When I got there it had been like 16 hrs and they told me that was too long. I am not grateful for this, but I thought it was hilarious that someone told me that I had to eat something. Go figure.

My clean home-thanks to my wonderful sister WHO NEVER STOPS tidying up. Not that there's anything WRONG with that. She is a Godsend. We are good for each other. I am truly blessed.

I am grateful that I found an item that has been missing for a few days. I found it IN THE TRASH. How did it get there? I have NO IDEA. Did I mention that it was a CHECK in the amount of $800.00? Thank you GOD.

For being *normal*. HAHA. I just had a friend call me and wants me to go to a speaker commitment with her tonight. She wants to go but wants someone NORMAL to go with. So she calls ME?? HAHAHAHA. Silly woman.

I am grateful for the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Both in real life and here online. It is a miraculous program for people such as myself who could not stop drinking on their own. It is a we program and without those who came before me I wouldn't be where I am today. Oh I am still a screwed up individual-but its a work in progress. A little progress each day. Progress not perfection. That's for damn sure, at least for me.

That is all for now. Be well my blogger buddies. QUEEN......OUT

Checking In

Hello friends-- I am tired as hell and can only stay for a few minutes. Here's what I've been up to the last few days:

• I am on *vacation* from work-I am very fortunate to have a butt load of vacation time and I am soooo grateful for that!


• this is a working vacation, but that is OK.


• I am finally getting off my dead ass, and I feel much better mentally


• physically however, I do not. I am getting a cold and that's what I get for boasting that I NEVER get sick


• I helped move my sister-in-law out of her house the last few days, holy hell she has a lot of *stuff*. We got done at about 3 o'clock this morning.


• even though it was basically just the two of us women moving EVERYTHING including my *new refrigerator and stove*(YAY) we had a blast and I love this girl to pieces.


• this SIL is POS's sister(and a very good friend of mine), and during the move I got to see and speak his other siblings and I think they no longer think I am such a bitch, or whatever they thought I was. It was nice catching up with them and knowing they no longer hold a grudge.


• I did get my new appliances, but the are currently in my living room (HAHA) until I get the new floor installed. This will hopefully happen in the next few days.


• I had a PPT meeting with my son's current school and his new high school team. He is going to a Tech high school and I am very excited for him. He got to sit in on this meeting and I was VERY proud of him, he answered questions appropriately and was on his best behavior for the new administrators. I see maturity creeping up in many ways with him recently and I am very proud of my boy.


• my son and my son from anotha mutha helped over the weekend with the move. It's amazing what 13 year olds will do for you when you flip them 20 bucks!

Me and The Cussies

Oh Hell, it's 3am and I'm still awake so here I am. I have read the news, my frequently visited websites, played cards and here I am still. Jeeezhus H Christ. I have been working nights all this week, getting out at 10pm so there you go. This is my problem. Its totally screwing with my sleep schedule.
Soooo....like I said I have been working night-just for this week. A few of my people(yes I HAVE people) are on vacation so I volunteered to do some nights. Then came this week and I was like, Shiiiiit - I don't really WANT to do this now!!! Reason being, people generally SUCK. Working with the public SUCKS. I live in Connecticut and believe me when I tell you there are some pretty frikken rude ass people in this state. My "normal" job entails working in an office behind the scenes, doing my accounting thing all day. I love it. What I had to do this week is stand behind a counter and kiss major ass to customers all week. I am NOT a good ass kisser. NOPE. I have one more night to work tomorrow and the nightmare will be over. Well I THOUGHT it would be a horrible experience-but miraculously it has been not so awful! I must say these people (customers) have been quite nice, not one of them got out of line with me. No name calling. No fist fights between them in line(yep-it's happened). Not even a scammer. We usually get lots of those. I have had the BEST conversations with some very nice people. Mostly elderly folks. Really, sweet~sweet~sweet people. I was on my best behavior and was kind to all of my cussies (customers HA!) and they were kind right back. I am also getting to know my night people a bit better and that's a plus as well. So to wrap it up I have to say that I would probably do it again but NOT on a full moon week. OH HELL NO. They are at their worst during a full moon.

OK lets really wrap it up now with a bit of gratitude shall we?

• for J, my wonderful son...who mowed the lawn with no argument yesterday!


• for having my energy back, depression sucks big donkey dick


• a wonderful family, who I may get together with this weekend since the yard is lookin' all nice


• a great job, and nice cussies this week


• for being sober today, I liked it so much I may try it again tomorrow!


• for my SIL (sista-in-law) who though of me when selling her almost new fridge and stove. I need both and will be buying them from her~pretty cheep too! YAY


• for my continued awesome realaionship with God, without Him none of this would be posssible. NONE.

Have yourselves a kickin' Saturday, and a safe and happy holiday weekend! QUEEN....OUT

Sunday Secrets

I knew that word would SUCK you in. hehe. I got NO secrets, not anymore. Well I do have one, kinda. Yesterday was Queens' Birthday and to be honest with you it was not a big deal W~ H~ A ~T ~S~ O~ E~ V ~E ~R. I spent most of it SLEEPING. I took the day off and slept. Until my sister stopped in and woke me to present me with some gifts (thanks Sista). I think (I know) that my sleeping habits lately are due to depression. I'm on medication for it and for the most part its under control. I use sleep to escape. Better than how I used to escape, but still not good. This time of the year is a trigger for me. I lost my Mom in May and I had a pretty devastating, life-changing event happen in May a few years ago. I hardly ever think of it anymore but it has continued to affect me. This too shall pass. It will and I will be fine, I'm certainly not going to drink over it. I am on my way to a meeting, so I will close with some good old gratitude.

Today I am grateful for~

• being one year older, and still sober. There was a time when I REALLY thought I would not see 40. I turned 45 yesterday.


• working 6 hours of double time today


• a dependable vehicle to get me where I need to be


• a kick-ass sister~love my Vivvy


• a great kid, who is becoming quite a helpful and loving young man


• my sober friends, in real life and the cyber-sober ones too


• yet ANOTHER new boss, who is kind to me and has kids too~so he get it that sometimes I need to take off with a minutes notice


• my bills are slow but sure getting paid off. Funny how that works huh?


• a friend who gifted me with clothing that no longer fits her son, boy did that come in handy!


• my friend Heather is back home with her children, taking it slow. One minute at a time-but that's OK.

Good night to you all, Happy Sober Sunday~QUEEN.....OUT

~Gratitude~

Today I am grateful for:

• having God back in my life-


• having relatively good health, now if I could just "make the decision" to stop smoking...


• being able to let go and let God


• my son. In many ways, that kid has saved my life~


• my sister, I love her to pieces and wish her nothing but the best.


• for patience ~ that I have been able to hold back and not kidnap her from her hell. I know she will "make her decision" when the time is right.


• my awesome job, and the support of my coworkers.


• my new girlfriends in AA, boy when we drunks clean up there's some pretty darn cool people under all that mess!


• being willing and able to help those that want and need it.


• I am happy to be sober and available for my son and his needs. I see much improvement and that is truly a miracle.


• that I'm able to recognize these miracles happening all around me.


• that these miracles are happening to ME and I kinda like that.


• no stress in my life, yep thats right NONE-Let Go Let GOD~


• for some pretty nice people I have met on blogger in the last few months, I truly enjoy reading all of your experience, strength and hope every day.

Thanks all of you for your kindness and prayers for Heather at "I've Got Poop In My Pocket". This is what I mean about all you cool people. I have not heard from her, she is still in my prayers and I hope she is ok. Heather if you read this, please email me when you get a minute.

MOM

My mom was an amazing woman. She raised all six of us almost single handidly, as Dad was always working (its not cheap raising 6 brats.) We lost her right after Mothers Day in 1997. She was a mere 58 years old. I remember going to her house after she passed away and seeing the house dress I got her for Mothers' Day, sitting there unused with the tags still hanging off. She never got a chance to wear it. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her, or speak to her. I miss her terribly and want to thank her for the following:

• For being a power of example for me.



• For teaching me the real meaning of family.



• For loving each and every one of us kids, unconditionally



• For passing on your amazing cooking skills/recipes



• For teaching me how to be a responsible adult. I didn't always do it but I KNEW HOW BECAUSE OF YOU



• For trying to get me to quit drinking. I appreciate the effort, but it wasn't going to happen till I was ready.



• For still being there for me every day, I feel you here with us-I truly do



• For being a kick ass lady-I'm pretty sure that's where I got my spunkiness, hehe



• For the humor you saw in everything. That may just be the best gift you ever gave me.

I hope you all had a great Mothers Day! QUEEN.....OUT

Fall of The Queen

So I posted the other day that the QUEEN does NOT mow the lawn. I got a few comments telling me that some of you love to work in the yard, how its good for you -blah - blah -blah. I said I don't MOW but I will get out there and clean up the yard, plant and what not. So this is what I did on my day off. I weeded, I mulched, I watered. I picked up the yard. Yada, yada, yada. It's not the gardening I despise, it's the damn mowing. I have a HUGE lawn and two 13 year olds (one bio son, one adopted nephew) who can do the mowing. They come in handy on trash day as well. I digress.....
So anyway, I do my thing in the yard and I call it a day and wake up the next morning. I get ready, make my iced coffee and begin to head out to work. I have my hands full-coffee, wallet, lit cigarette. I open my back door and without looking down I take that first step out the door and my foot lands in something unfamiliar (NOT the stoop) and I FLY down the rest of the stairs. In mid "flight" I remember thinking "oh, this is NOT gonna end up good." I had NO idea what the hell I stepped in, but it was now stuck on my foot like a damn shoe. I don't know how I managed to do this, but I actually landed ON MY FEET! HA! Somehow I managed to stay on my feet and I was not harmed. (yea, you can all rest easy now) I was laughing my ass off at myself-it was the most FUN I have had in a long time. I ended up having to change my clothes because I was now WEARING my iced coffee from my chest all the way down to the inside of my shoes. In case you're wondering I had stepped into a metal bucket, like the ones you see in the summer that have citronella in them. I use it for a butt can outside and I had moved it up off the ground during my "gardening" the day before.
On a sad note, another one of my sober friends has passed on. He was in his fifties and apparently died of a heart attack a few days ago. In the past (like when I was active) I fell down LOTS of stairs. Hell, I did a back flip off a deck one time and broke my fucking neck. I should have been dead a looooong time ago, but God had other plans for me. Everything happens in His time and He has been calling a lot of people I love home lately. I thank him for everything He gives me, the good and the bad. Every time He takes a loved one, He reminds me that we really DO only have today and I am going to make the most of that 24 hour gift. Even if it does begin with me falling out my back door. He was looking out for me, and for that I am grateful. Rest in Peace Chris, save me a seat at that big meeting in the sky my friend.

Tuesday Tidbits

• I feel lots and lots of gratitude lately
• The more I see suffering the more grateful I become
• I don't have much, but I do have ME back and that is a miracle-it truly is
• I saw POS today in line at the bank. He looks awful
• BUT he is on day 7 so I hope that works out for him
• He said to me "I was having seizures" to which I replied "No REALLY?"
• He actually GOT INSURANCE for my son, without me having to ask or force him
• THAT is another miracle
• I get to speak at my Home Group tonight. I am always nervous but it needs to be done
• My boss stuck up for me to HIS boss today. Miracle # 3
• I'm glad I can be a trusted employee these days
• My son seems to be content, no drama-no anger. Thank you abilify.
• I am happy that spring is here, but not liking my grass growing faster than a speeding bullet
• Your Queen does NOT mow grass-she just doesn't
• That is where a house bitch would come in handy. I am still interviewing so keep the applications coming people.

With that I wish you all a great night, I'm off to get snacks for my drunks. QUEEN....OUT

What's up in Queens World

It's almost beddie bye time but I thought I'd check in with all my alkies before I turn in. I bet you're THRILLED!

My son is doing MUCH better, thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers.....You all just amaze me with your love and comments and suggestions. The prayers have worked, and the med changes have certainly made a difference. Thank you God! I was really afraid, actually scared of my own kid-and that was an awful feeling. I often wonder if I am doing the right thing-with the meds and all, but seeing him in such a state was quite an eye-opener. I think we are all just wired differently and some of us need medication to function properly. Pretty simple it seems, but its really not. There are the side effects, the stigma, the sense of being or feeling different than your friends. We still have a lot of work ahead of us, but we are taking that a day at a time-much like my recovery. Thinking about it in small pieces like that makes it much easier to handle.

I went to my Beach House meeting tonight. It was awesome as usual. I have a friend there who is working on her 4th step and was so excited to let me know that her sponsor said when she is done with her 5th, she will be able to begin sponsoring. She is DYING to get her hands on me! HEHE. She knows I'm sponsor less at the moment and she wants Queenie in a bad way. LOL. How sick am I when sponsors seek to sponsor ME! I though it was supposed to be the other way around, but hey-I would gladly accept the help. She is right, I DO need a sponsor and I admire the way she is working HER program. I know that if I don't begin some serious step work I will be in some deep doo-doo. I don't look good in doo-doo so Step work it is.

Mr Jackass received his 10 year medallion tonight. Whoopdie-fuckin-doo. He was so ungracious that I coulda just reached over and slapped the shit outta him. BUT I did not, I congratulated him when it was my turn to share. I hope it sounded sincere, but it didn't feel like it when I said it. He is just a miserable fuck and I need to accept that and get over it. I was told to pray for him, so I suppose I could try that.

OK-Gratitude list and then Nitey nite:

• I have an awesome kid, I can't imagine life without him



• I have a job, car and roof over our heads



• I have genuine friends



• I have a house full of yummy food, which I am enjoying too much lately!



• I have the coolest blogger buddies on the planet



• Its almost spring-yeehaw



• I am going on a road trip with my drunks Thursday night, to a treatment center-carrying the message rocks



• My Higher Power



• my Family



• My new dew



• bills are paid!



• My warm blankie, which I am gonna go crawl under!

Night all, sweet dreams!! Queen....OUT

Tuesday-just Tuesday

Hey all, its been a bit since I've posted. I must confess, I have been spending WAYYYYY to much time on Facebook. Yes, Facebook. You all know about FB right? The site you post on , connect with people and they own you forever, yes that FB. But it is FUN! I like fun, but it is quite addicting. I have found long lost friends and more importantly FAMILY. I found many cousins and a few other family members that I had lost touch with. It's just so nice to see everyone. I'm sure they're THRILLED that I am back in their lives as well! How could they NOT be? hehe.
I am about to leave for my Tuesday night Beach House meeting. I absolutely LOVE this meeting. It's always so good to see my fellow alkies. I am "snack lady" and I will be bringing chocolate chip cookies to my friends tonight. I used to have a real job, coffee maker. I gave it up recently. We had to vote on new people for commitments and they usually just say, you still want coffee-right Denise? I usually did and I kept that job for 4 years. Yes, years. I needed the commitment. It kept me going every week, it kept me sober. I believe that it is so important to get involved in your home group. Get involved, meet new people, learn to give away what has been so freely given to you. This is after all how it works, isn't it? I can say enough about AA and how it has changed my life. I will be forever grateful to AA and my new friends. It's a bloody miracle, if you could've only know me then. Oh my goodness.
Gotta go for now....I think I will finish this post after the meeting and then publish it. So ta ta for now blogger buddies.....Queen OUT

Queen BACK IN! hehe..
GOOD MEETING YA'LL They always are. Lately our room has been full, which is a wonderful thing. For a while it was getting pretty slow in that room, just us regulars. Some were talking about closing down the meeting, and I told them it would go on if I had to pay the rent myself. Back in the day-like 1991-when I was first introduced to AA there were meetings everywhere and it was standing room only in some of them. There would be HUNDREDS of people at them. Now this town I live in is pretty much a small town and they still packed em in. Now we are seeing lots of newcomers, that's always a good thing. But it is nothing like it used to be, attendance wise. I shudder to think of why this is. Some have surely passed on, but where are all of the sick and suffering? I pray they find their way to these rooms. Miracles truly do happen in this fellowship.
OK, I gotta go be nosey, there are 5 po po cars across the street. Ima gonna go make some popcorn and watch the show.
Bye for now.
Queen OUT

Tuesday Gratitude

• I got a mahvelous haircut this weekend (thanks sista) and everyone LOVES it. A few have even told me it makes me look 10 years younger!! ha! I am lovin it!


• I am grateful that I really don't look like that lovely pic you all see. I was goofin' around and my nephew snapped it and wahlaa-instant fugliest pic of me I've ever taken. So I just HAD to post it here. HAHA.


• I met a newcomer in a meeting tonight-he was so sad and I think I may have made him feel a bit better. Basically just told him to not be so hard on himself. I hope he "keeps comin"


• For Kerry, my "boyfriend" in recovery. He wants me, but he ain't gonna get me, and he's OK with that. He cracks my shit up.


• That I am having a family "pot luck" dinner this week. I love seeing everyone and more importantly there will be LOTS OF GOOD FOOD!


• That my son seems to be feeling better this week. He is my love, my everything. I am happy he is not hurting as much as he was last week....


• That Lou's blog is FINALLY updating like it's supposed to. I love reading her, as well as all the rest of you blogaholics.


• That I am able to the dentist tomorrow. I have a job and insurance that makes this possible. Thank u God.


• For an awesome Beach House meeting tonight. I never thought I could have so much fun in recovery.


• For my Higher Power. Without Him, I would have none of the above. I would have nothing. For this I am Grateful

Holy Guacamole!

Hey to all my blogger peeps out in "sober/cyber" space~Top of the evening to y'all. It snowed AGAIN here today, Good lord I was finally able to see the driveway just yesterday! Now who knows when I'll see it again......sometime in the spring at the rate it has been snowing this year.

Snow or no snow, I always hit my Beach House home group meeting on Tuesday night. Seeing as I hold the key, I kinda have to go~but I am not complaining. On the contrary, actually. I have had that key for 3+ years now and if I didn't step up and grab that commitment right from the get go at one of my first meetings, well who know where I would be. I shudder to think of it.

I think there were maybe 10 of us there which is about 9 more than I though would come. The diehards, or maybe the ones with 4wd like me. I don't know but it was a good meeting. They are all good actually. I love my meetings, I love all my friends in recovery. I am just a happy camper tonight.

Thanks to all of my new blogger friends for recognizing me on their blogs, sending some very special new people to my neck of the woods. I love to read all of you as well and I just love to read your comments, good, bad, ugly haha-whatever. I love it. OOOH, I feel a gratitude list comin' on~~~

• Special thanks to dAAve and steveroni or their honorable mentions about Queens World in their blogs.....you guys rok


• I am grateful that I have a functional, dependable vehicle so I am able to do what I need to do daily


• I am grateful that I have a job to drive to every day in said vehicle


• Even though my son is going through a rough time, he has moments when I actually see him crack a smile....even if it is because he farted on the dog...HE'S SMILING!


• I don't care if it snow every stinkin' day until spring, I am happy to be alive to see another day


• I am going to get my hair chopped off soon, so I am grateful to my sister who is a kick ass hairdresser-I love u Viv.


• My God is good to me today and every day, I hope I never turn my back on Him again


• I have learned to let people get to know me again, instead of pushing them away. I USED to do this a lot and that's a pretty shitty way to exist

I need to go order some literature and bumper stickers for my group~YEAHHH I even get to SHOP for them! It doesn't get any better than this, or does it? I think I'm gonna stick around to see. Queenie OUT

Time for some Gratitude!

what I am grateful for at this very moment in time!

• I have a dependable job. I used to hate it when I went in all hung over and sick. Sober it pretty darn cool.



• My son is the light of my life, even if he IS LATE FOR SCHOOL EVERY FRIGGIN DAY UGH!



• Because of dependable job mentioned above, I get to go get a physical tomorrow! Yeehaw, I am sooo ready for those stirrups. Giddy up.



• I have great friends in recovery. Shout out to my Val who just got out of the hospital.



• Today is Tuesday so I have my home group Beach House Meeting tonight. I get to feed my peeps-I am the snack lady!



• I have a car that is running, AND paid for!



• My new blogger friends, I just love reading all of your blogs.



• My bills are paid, now thats a BIG ONE. Thank U God.



• That I have a roof over our heads, even if it had NO HEAT for a day or so last week. Oh, and it was -7 outside. Yea, that sucked BUT I had someone out right away cause I'm not the loser I used to be.

That should do it for now, just checkin in really. Have an awesome night. Denise

Damn, that felt GOOD

I put a belligerent, self-absorbed, asinine jackass in his place tonight and IT FELT GOOD! Well it feels good at the moment anyway. I'm sure I will be making amends tomorrow, but for now I am enjoying. I went to my regular Tue. night meeting tonight. Awesome meeting. Great speaker. Good topic discussion after the speaker. A good friend was presented with her ONE YEAR medallion!!! WTG Val! So anyway, real good night. THEN we have our business meeting. At our business meeting, Mr. Jackass keeps interrupting (oh, just like he usually does DURING our regular meeting) because he wants to bring something up and like a child he just CAN'T wait until the secretary is ready to hear it. So I say Val let Mr. Jackass (I didn't say that at the meeting lol) speak cause its killing him, and he says (loud and obnoxiously) "Never mind, I don't want to even bring it up anymore, forget it". So I say "Oh, come on don't do this again Mr. Jackass-just tell the group what you wanted." He declines acting like a friggin child and I told him he was once again acing like a 2 old and to knock it off. He did NOT like hearing the truth. I finally said out loud what everyone in the room has been wanting to say for a very long time. Mind you, he did this last month at our business meeting-practically stomping his feet and sticking out his tongue at us on the way out. It was worse last month and the next day a newcomer (my sponsee) and 2 more regulars told me they weren't coming back to this particular meeting because of Mr. Jackass. After he stormed out, other group members were thanking me for saying what they have been wanting to say for a very long time.

I could write a book about this guy - but I won't. I know we are a sick bunch. Booze is but a symptom of our disease. Just because we put down the bottle does NOT mean all is well! As they say, some are sicker than others. How true, I know because I am including myself in the sicker than others category! I, however do realize this and receive counseling and an anti-depressant to help me with those issues. All I can do is pray that he gets well. And I shall.

My Gratitude list for today:

• I love my Tuesday night beach house meeting.
• I gave up my coffee commitment to another, but I DO miss it-it will be OK
• I was able to ENJOY my meeting without worrying about what was going on with the coffee pot
• I have great friends in recovery
• Our speaker tonight has been through hell and back and never had to drink over any of it-He is truly an inspiration
• I am grateful for Mr Jackass, because when he is being just a regular guy, he is very kind to my son-taking him to baseball games and movies.
• I have a great job, definitely a blessing in these hard times.
• I have an awesome family-even the ones who ignore me now that they think they might catch the "sober cooties" from me and choose to stay as far away from me as possible.
• I am grateful that even though it felt good tonight, I must make amends to my fellow alcoholic for acting out-I probably could have handled it better. I am thankful that I know when I am wrong and I can promptly admit it.
• I am grateful for my new blogger buddies/friends. You all rock, just so ya know!

What an awesome night

Here I go, spillin my guts all over the internet! HA! I am an alcoholic named Denise. I should really say I am a grateful recovering alcoholic. In one week, God willing, I will have three years clean and sober. Who'd of thunk it. If you knew me then, you certainly would not have thunk it! I went thru hell and back one too many times(and if you were unfortunate enough to have been with me, I would have brought you down with me as well), and it was time to clean up my act or I was gonna die. Die and leave my young son without a mom and with a father who is still out there using. I thank God every day for AA. It literally saved my life, and for that I will be eternally grateful.
Today life is worth living. Today I have a life. Today I can help others to recover. Today I have a son who is getting well, as long as I stay well. Today I have the respect of others. Today I don't have to worry about what I did or said last night, because I am sober and I actually REMEMBER what I did and said last night! Today I can drift off to sleep instead of passing out (what a concept!) Today I don't have to lie, to cover up all the other lies I told. Today I can be a good mom. For all of this and more I am so grateful. JUST FOR TODAY.