Why I "Keep Coming"

Hello friends and cyber family-

I just got off the phone with a young woman from my home group. She was absent from our meeting last night. She relapsed and her boyfriend asked me at the meeting last night to please call her.

HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I *DISLIKE* THIS DISEASE?

To back up a bit, I celebrated 4 years of continuous sobriety yesterday. I went to my regular *best damn meeting in Connecticut* meeting last night. We do a medallion ceremony every week and they did a very special one for me. I was truly touched. But before they got to me they gave out newcomer, 1-2-3-6-9 month, and 1 year chips. There were three female newcomers that got up and got chips. I love it when I see the newbies coming in, but especially the ladies. Ladies that I can reach my hand out to and offer them help. The same help that was offered to me when I came in shakin and quakin, spittin and sputtering. If not for those people, I would not have stuck around and I certainly wouldn't be celebrating anything today. I'd be drunk or dead. Fo Sho!

I went out at break time and this is when my friend approached me about calling his GF who was supposed to give me my chip last night! She was home drinking and trying to leave her home to get more booze. My heart sank. NOOOO!! He took her car to the meeting so she could not drive. He's a great guy with 14 years sober, but even he cannot keep her from a drink. If you are a drunk and you're not ready to stop-there's not much anyone can really do for you. It's all about acceptance and surrender and until I miraculously found it one day four years ago, I could not stop either.

So anyway I called her and she is hitting a meeting that meets 2 doors down from my castle and I will meet her there tonight. She is embarrassed, remorseful, and full of guilt. She wants to jump right back in and I will be there for her. I let her know she was missed last night and that she is loved. I reminded her of what could happen. I asked her if she remembers Jen, our fellow newbie and now dead member. She was my first official sponsee and as hard as I tried to help her, she succumbed to this disease-34 days after we met. Thirty four days after she returned to AA. You can read about her here, here and here. <------ I am feeling all linky as you can see. But I need to remember my time with her and know that this can easily be ME if I choose to drink again. I still believe that my Higher Power brought Jen to me so I could love her for the last few weeks of her life. So she could have a friend to hold her hand while she suffered, to let her know there WAS hope. But it was not to be and she was called home. To that big meeting in heaven I like to think. Even though it turned out for the worst I am so glad I was able to be there for Jen while God was deciding her fate. *I hope to hell there is not booze in heaven. If there is I'm hoping they save a seat for me at that big meeting in the sky.*

So to make a point here, sure there may be days where I don't FEEL like doing to a meeting for whatever lame reason. I don't know who is going to be at the meeting, and maybe I can be of service. There may be someone who needs help and who the hell am I to plop my fat ass in front of my computer or TV and only think about ME. There will ALWAYS be someone at a meeting who needs a hug or some words of encouragement, or maybe they need a big swift kick in the ass. Maybe it's ME who needs this stuff. It can't be given away if I'm not there. THAT my friends is why I "Keep Going". So I am off to a meeting people. If I want to stay sober I have to give back, its as simple as that. Love to you all and stay sober for me tonight, would ya? EXCEPTION-SB, I know you will have a glass of wine to celebrate my sobriety. Cause you're one cool bitch like that! QUEEN......OUT

Relapse

I have a friend who I have been trying to help. I think I mentioned him in an earlier post, just out of rehab, friend of my sisters'. Anywho-he has been out of contact recently and I assumed he had relapsed and I was correct. Sometimes I hate it when I am right. He finally called me last night and he was drunk but kind of coherent. He may not even remember speaking to me. Hell I would talk to all kinds of people back in the day and not remember a thing the next day. Memories.... Hell I sometimes do that now. Some aspects of getting older do suck. It's still a blessing that I am getting older at all. If I didn't quit drinking I know I would probably have died by now.
So anyway, back to my friend. He said that he is going crazy (you think?) and he want to come to the Beach House meeting tonight. I told him he is welcome, no one will judge-yada yada. It's true though. No matter what, you are always welcome back at an AA meeting. He kept going on that he has no one to talk to, no one knows his story, no one drinks like he does/did for the last 30 years. Yes that was probably his drunkenness blabbering on, but if he thinks his story is any worse than any of ours he is sadly mistaken. We all have our stories, our jackpots, we have all hurt our families, etc. Maybe he thinks there are special meetings out there for "special" alcoholics like him, I don't know. I told him to NOT drink today and get off his ass and come to the meeting. He is kind of shy, but he needs to get involved with some men in the fellowship and start the damn work that it takes to stay sober. Its a lot of work and no one can do it for him. So I hope he sticks around this time. I told him I don't want to lose another friend to this disease and he informed me he wasn't going to drink himself to death. Yea, right. Just like Jennifer didn't. I swear this disease is so powerful. I hate it. I hate it enough to continue to try to help those that are still sick and suffering and really WANT the help. It is all I can do, and I shall. Gotta go get ready for the best AA meeting in Ct. Queen.....OUT