Thursday, January 29, 2009

THIS CLOSE to biting the big one today

So it has been snowing here like EVERY OTHER DAY so far this winter. UGH. I have this LOOOOOOOOONG driveway that goes downhill all the way down to the busy street I live on. Now after the first big storm, I got out there with my son and shoveled that bad boy. It sucked and that is probably why I haven't done it since. I have a 4wd Ford Explorer and I can get up and down pretty easily so I have just let it go (the snow clearing). Well yesterday it snowed a few inches, then sleet, then straight rain for a bit. Then come night time, it got COLD as a witches titty and everything froze. I got off to work and then an hour or so later I had to head back home to bring my son to school. I turn in my driveway, get about 1/3 of the way up and YEP-I couldn't make it up. Not only that, I started to slide BACKWARDS and couldn't STOP sliding backwards. No amount of steering, braking, not braking...NOTHING was stopping me. Did I mention I live on a BUSY street??? I laid on the horn to warn the unexpecting drivers below that something was goin down (me) and I looked in my rear view and all I could see was YELLOW. A SCHOOL BUS. DAMMIT. I think I said a quick prayer, OUT LOUD, like GOD NO! I slid all the way into the street and I think Mr. bus knew what was up cause he flew by my driveway just in time for me to miss him. The bus was the only vehicle that was in danger of my runaway car. I ended up right out in the street, so it could have been a real catastrophe if the circumstances weren't just as they were. So Thank you God, for being there for me and those children on that bus today.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

This is what I deal with EVERY DAY

I don't think I have mentioned it here yet, but I work in a grocery store. I work in customer service and have been in the same job for almost 28 years now. WOW. Just writing that blows my mind. Can I just say that some of the shit I have to put up with and listen to, I would NEVER EVER do or say in any store. (well maybe i would at Wal-Mart...I hate that dump) So anywhoooo.....The homeless lady who brings back a $75.00 prime rib roast that's a month old, and says she defrosted it (what under a bridge?) and its bad. Now I have NOTHING against the homeless, don't get me wrong. But I DO have a problem with a known street person with no home, bringing in a hunk o meat like that wanting me to give her the cash. We get ripped off all the time. We have this new policy-HASSLE FREE REFUNDS-that allows this to happen. So next time you go shopping and you wonder why everything is so damned expensive, this is why. We ended up giving her ANOTHER lovely prime rib, instead of giving her the cash. WHATEVER. I can't even afford to buy my family a luxury like that.

Then there's the people who come up with the funny stuff. Stuff that just makes you wonder, how the hell did they come up with that one? For example. True story. A woman calls the store and wants to make a complaint. She says she bought a box of corn flakes and there is something in it. We ask her what is in it, she says " I bought a box of corn flakes and there is a BOOGER in it" WHAT??? Yes I'm SURE someone at the corn flakes factory couldn't find a tissue and just did a back woods hanky in your corn flakes. I shit you not, this is what she claimed. My boyfriend at the time thought he'd be funny and he called the store a few days later and got the same girl who took the "booger" call and he acted like he was a customer. He tells her "I have a complaint. I was in your store the other day and I bought a box of BOOGERS and there was a corn flake in it!" LMFAO. He turned out to be a lying, cheating no good piece of shit, BUT- It was hilarious. I love my job, I really do.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

When did THAT happen? I Musta been drunk

Ok, so whenever I get together with my sister, lets call her Viv, we get to laughing so hysterically that one or both of us pee our pants. It's usually her that exclaims "I just peed a little!". Effin hilarious. Well a few months ago, I was telling her that my Dr. says I am POST menopausal. I am ONLY 44 years old for crying out loud. Not that I'm complaining mind you. So she asks me well when did that happen? Didn't you KNOW that you were "changing"? I thought about it and told her "I think I WAS DRUNK while I was "changing" I really do! She thinks this is soooo funny(and so did my Dr. when I told her), that I went through menopause in a drunken stupor, so no hot flashes, no moodiness etc. I was just constantly drunk or hungover and feeling like crap all the time and little did I know that I was a changin'. So anyhow......
What else. Yea, Viv and I and our sons' go on vacation every six months or so. That's always a hoot and a half. Let me just say this, we can clear out a restaurant like its our job when we get to laughing so hard at the stories we all tell. Viv's son (my son from anotha motha) is a six foot tall 13 year old comedian who has been entertaining us from the moment he was expelled from his mamas uterus. I love that boy like a fat kid loves cake. I just went to pick him up so he can stay the night. What was I thinking? You have to sleep with one eye open with him around, I've seen his handiwork on his mother and others when they are sleeping. I just got a new web cam and he has made some "interesting" videos already. Yes the boys' got talent, I swear he could make some serious cash if he took his show on the road someday. Just as long as he don't forget his favorite auntie Neenee when he gets all rich and famous..........
So my sister Viv told me that she was gonna move in with me the day after her birthday (which was Oct. 29) and I AM STILL WAITING for her arrival. We would have sooooo much FUN if she would just take that chance and DO IT ALREADY! The fun would be good for both of us and more importantly MY HOUSE WOULD BE SPOTLESS!! haha. So Viv reads this, and I want you to know YOU ARE STILL WELCOME HERE Chiquita.
Have an awesome night my blogger buddies. Peace

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Time for some Gratitude!

what I am grateful for at this very moment in time!

  • I have a dependable job. I used to hate it when I went in all hung over and sick. Sober it pretty darn cool.

  • My son is the light of my life, even if he IS LATE FOR SCHOOL EVERY FRIGGIN DAY UGH!

  • Because of dependable job mentioned above, I get to go get a physical tomorrow! Yeehaw, I am sooo ready for those stirrups. Giddy up.

  • I have great friends in recovery. Shout out to my Val who just got out of the hospital.

  • Today is Tuesday so I have my home group Beach House Meeting tonight. I get to feed my peeps-I am the snack lady!

  • I have a car that is running, AND paid for!

  • My new blogger friends, I just love reading all of your blogs.

  • My bills are paid, now thats a BIG ONE. Thank U God.

  • That I have a roof over our heads, even if it had NO HEAT for a day or so last week. Oh, and it was -7 outside. Yea, that sucked BUT I had someone out right away cause I'm not the loser I used to be.

That should do it for now, just checkin in really. Have an awesome night. Denise

Monday, January 12, 2009

Sharing in Meetings

Back in the day (well the beginning of sobriety-or the beginning of trying to get sober) I would do ANYTHING to NOT have to share at a meeting. I would avoid eye contact with the chair, go off to the bathroom, hide in the kitchen, etc. I was purrrrety good at it too for a while, I must say. That is until my fellow alkies caught on. They would say no not everyone got to share, where is Denise? LOL. I would have to come out of hiding and mumble something or other and then we could end the meeting. Those sons a bitches! Always MAKING me share! Well for a while I was still drinking and going to meetings, so I really didn't have much to share, nothing but my own misery. When I finally surrendered, and actually started working my program and stopped the insanity I was putting myself through-it slowly but surely became easier to speak. GO FIGURE. I know this girl who I actually met in rehab a few years back. She is sooooo much like I was, SHIT SCARED to share. I see the old me when I see her called upon, and I feel for her. I pray it becomes easier for her as well.
That said I am going to a speaker meeting tonight. lol. They USED to be my favorite kind, just sit and listen-but not so much anymore. It happens to be one of the only meeting going on tonight around here, and I need to go. Don't feel like drinking, I just know I need it to keep myself in check. I need to be reminded every day that I am an alcoholic and meetings are my medicine. So I'm off to go get my medicine, Have a great night all......

Sunday, January 11, 2009

My meeting tonight

So I haven't written in a while, sorta been busy and bummin about the death of my sponsee. I know it will get better-but it still sucks.

So I went to a meeting tonight. The minute I walked in I wanted to just turn around and leave. I know it's supposed to be principles before personalities but gimme a goddamn break. I get there early and who is the first face I see-Mr Jackass himself. Now if anyone told me that telling off this asshole would make him not speak to me I would have done it A LONG TIME AGO! haha. So yea, he's not speaking to me which is OK fine with this drunk. I am sick of his antics scaring away newcomers and regulars alike. Then there's this other young lady who drives me crazy, who even drives Mr Jackass nuts. She is just soooooo loud and needy. I guess we all have our issues but daaaaaammmm. I was saved by a good friend who finally showed up and then it was fine after that.

After the meeting I give my friend Kerry a ride home. He is such a sweet man. He got sober before me and we have been friends in sobriety since I came in to AA. When I first came in I connected with a lot of males with lots of sobriety. AA says boys with boys and girls with girls but it was not like that for me. I found myself involved with two different groups here in town and most of the members were men. Three of them have passed away, which is incredibly sad, BUT I am so grateful to have met all of them and was able to have learned quite a bit from them while they were well and going to meetings. ALL of them went to meetings until their health prevented it. They all died sober! I admire all of them and am so grateful for what they have taught me about recovery.

So I wanted to check in and I will write more soon.....To all my sober readers-keep up the good work! Meetings, meetings, meetings people. And lots of praying. To anyone struggling-just keep it simple and be strong-that miracle will happen if you want it to.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

She is at peace now

I truly believe that God put Jennifer into my life for a reason. I am still working on what that reason is. I have a few therories. I'd like to share them here with you.

I believe that she was put into my life to ease the guilt I have felt over the loss of my sister. The guilt I felt was largely due to my belief that I could (or should) have made a difference. That I should have tried to help her. I now believe that my sister was beyond help, just like Jen was and that anything I tried to do to help would have been in vain. The similarities in Jen and my sister were just such a huge red flag from the Lord himself to have been a coincidence.

I know that even though I only knew her for 34 days, Jen and I became instant friends. God put her in that meeting the first night so she could have a friend she could identify with while He was deciding her fate. When we met we "clicked" immediately. It was as if we had been friends forever. The second day of our friendship, she told me that it was good to have a real friend again, that it felt that she had known me for a long time. I felt the same way about her.

During our short friendship, I also got to know her mother. I adore this woman. I spoke with her yesterday and she asked that I keep in touch, to call her and visit whenever I wanted. I was happy to hear this and I intend on doing just that. In such a short time, I grew to love Jen and her family.

I think that God chose to put Jen into my life to remind me just how deadly my disease is. It wants me dead, and if I choose to pick up even one drink (which would lead to a thousand) I will certainly meet the same fate as she did.

She suffers no more, Thank you God-for sending me Jen. I know she is safe now.