Prayer Request

A very funny, brave, kick ass blogger friend of mine needs all of us. She can be found here. Her name is Heather and she needs a place in your prayers, if you would be so kind. She has Crohn's Disease and is having complications that warrant some special prayers. Please visit her page and see why I love her to pieces and wish her a speedy recovery. I know all my recovery friends have a Higher Power in their lives. Please ask Him to watch over Heather and her family. I love you guys and thank you for your kindness. QUEEN......OUT

Relapse

I have a friend who I have been trying to help. I think I mentioned him in an earlier post, just out of rehab, friend of my sisters'. Anywho-he has been out of contact recently and I assumed he had relapsed and I was correct. Sometimes I hate it when I am right. He finally called me last night and he was drunk but kind of coherent. He may not even remember speaking to me. Hell I would talk to all kinds of people back in the day and not remember a thing the next day. Memories.... Hell I sometimes do that now. Some aspects of getting older do suck. It's still a blessing that I am getting older at all. If I didn't quit drinking I know I would probably have died by now.
So anyway, back to my friend. He said that he is going crazy (you think?) and he want to come to the Beach House meeting tonight. I told him he is welcome, no one will judge-yada yada. It's true though. No matter what, you are always welcome back at an AA meeting. He kept going on that he has no one to talk to, no one knows his story, no one drinks like he does/did for the last 30 years. Yes that was probably his drunkenness blabbering on, but if he thinks his story is any worse than any of ours he is sadly mistaken. We all have our stories, our jackpots, we have all hurt our families, etc. Maybe he thinks there are special meetings out there for "special" alcoholics like him, I don't know. I told him to NOT drink today and get off his ass and come to the meeting. He is kind of shy, but he needs to get involved with some men in the fellowship and start the damn work that it takes to stay sober. Its a lot of work and no one can do it for him. So I hope he sticks around this time. I told him I don't want to lose another friend to this disease and he informed me he wasn't going to drink himself to death. Yea, right. Just like Jennifer didn't. I swear this disease is so powerful. I hate it. I hate it enough to continue to try to help those that are still sick and suffering and really WANT the help. It is all I can do, and I shall. Gotta go get ready for the best AA meeting in Ct. Queen.....OUT

The Power of Prayer

I went to an awesome meeting tonight. Hell, they're all awesome. But I sat with my friend Val, and God bless her-she just gets me giggling-at all the wrong times- like in the middle of a meeting. Now there I go blaming someone else again. Damn alcoholic that I am, its always someone else, right. Anyone who knows me, as in real life knows me, KNOWS I can be downright outrageous at all the inappropriate times. It's a gift, passed on to me from my lovely Mommy. She was quite the woman. Val and I are going on a spiritual retreat soon. I told her if I get through the door without being struck by lightening, we'll be good to go.

I had a chat with another awesome lady tonight. She's a great power of example and has lots of good advice and I love her to pieces. She has a sister who suffers from bipolar disorder and she has given me a lot of hope for my son. Her sister is currently hospitalized for her illness. She is in her fifties and has had this disorder most of her life, but has only been diagnosed in the last few years. What a shame that she had to suffer all these years, before finally getting the proper diagnosis and medication that she needs. I think it is actually a blessing that my son is getting the help he needs now, at such a young age. My friend suggested that I pray over J's meds and to let God take it, let God handle his recovery. Guess what I did the minute I got home? I prayed, and I prayed hard. And I gave it to God. The power of prayer is amazing. I have prayed for God to keep me from a drink every day and for the last 3 years He has not let me down. Not once. I think I need to look to Him for more than just the strength to keep me from taking that first drink. I am powerless over alcohol, I am powerless over my sons' disorder as well. Tomorrow is his first day back to school, God and I will be busy all day until he gets home safe and sound.

Thanks for letting me share.....

My meeting tonight

So I haven't written in a while, sorta been busy and bummin about the death of my sponsee. I know it will get better-but it still sucks.

So I went to a meeting tonight. The minute I walked in I wanted to just turn around and leave. I know it's supposed to be principles before personalities but gimme a goddamn break. I get there early and who is the first face I see-Mr Jackass himself. Now if anyone told me that telling off this asshole would make him not speak to me I would have done it A LONG TIME AGO! haha. So yea, he's not speaking to me which is OK fine with this drunk. I am sick of his antics scaring away newcomers and regulars alike. Then there's this other young lady who drives me crazy, who even drives Mr Jackass nuts. She is just soooooo loud and needy. I guess we all have our issues but daaaaaammmm. I was saved by a good friend who finally showed up and then it was fine after that.

After the meeting I give my friend Kerry a ride home. He is such a sweet man. He got sober before me and we have been friends in sobriety since I came in to AA. When I first came in I connected with a lot of males with lots of sobriety. AA says boys with boys and girls with girls but it was not like that for me. I found myself involved with two different groups here in town and most of the members were men. Three of them have passed away, which is incredibly sad, BUT I am so grateful to have met all of them and was able to have learned quite a bit from them while they were well and going to meetings. ALL of them went to meetings until their health prevented it. They all died sober! I admire all of them and am so grateful for what they have taught me about recovery.

So I wanted to check in and I will write more soon.....To all my sober readers-keep up the good work! Meetings, meetings, meetings people. And lots of praying. To anyone struggling-just keep it simple and be strong-that miracle will happen if you want it to.

She is at peace now

I truly believe that God put Jennifer into my life for a reason. I am still working on what that reason is. I have a few therories. I'd like to share them here with you.

I believe that she was put into my life to ease the guilt I have felt over the loss of my sister. The guilt I felt was largely due to my belief that I could (or should) have made a difference. That I should have tried to help her. I now believe that my sister was beyond help, just like Jen was and that anything I tried to do to help would have been in vain. The similarities in Jen and my sister were just such a huge red flag from the Lord himself to have been a coincidence.

I know that even though I only knew her for 34 days, Jen and I became instant friends. God put her in that meeting the first night so she could have a friend she could identify with while He was deciding her fate. When we met we "clicked" immediately. It was as if we had been friends forever. The second day of our friendship, she told me that it was good to have a real friend again, that it felt that she had known me for a long time. I felt the same way about her.

During our short friendship, I also got to know her mother. I adore this woman. I spoke with her yesterday and she asked that I keep in touch, to call her and visit whenever I wanted. I was happy to hear this and I intend on doing just that. In such a short time, I grew to love Jen and her family.

I think that God chose to put Jen into my life to remind me just how deadly my disease is. It wants me dead, and if I choose to pick up even one drink (which would lead to a thousand) I will certainly meet the same fate as she did.

She suffers no more, Thank you God-for sending me Jen. I know she is safe now.