Sunday, August 21, 2011

WE WILL be ok

Here I sit, first thing on a damn Sunday morning-first one in AGES that I have not had to work and I am AWAKE. What the hell! I took a few mental health days, MUCH needed ones indeed.
I was planning on taking a small trip. We haven't really been anywhere since I went and bought my home last year. It was time to get away. BUT, it was not to be. You see I have a beautiful 15 year old son who informed me that he didn't want to go. "Just leave me 200 bucks, and I'll eat out every night." Ya, mama doesn't think so.
My son is suffering. He is so severly depressed, like I have never seen him before. The last few weeks have been hell. He is posting suicidal thoughts on his Facebook account. He tells me every day that he wants to kill himself. I told his therapist all of this and they came this close >.< to hospitalizing him.
He has been depressed for years. Doesn't help that he is basically screaming out for help on his facebook page and no one on his bio dads (POS) side is being the least bit supportive. As in NO RESPONSE from them at all. No phone calls, nothing. I think that is what he wants. No, I KNOW thats what he wants. His father ignores his mental illness, his sister (POS's Daughter) does too. He loves these people (yea, I don't get it either) and they just simply do not care.
All I can do is support him, love him and pray to God that he gets some relief from this GODDAMMED depression soon.
Oh and I am still sober, otherwise how would I be able to care for my baby? That might just be the biggest gift of my sobriety-the ability to be a real mom who is present for my boy.