RAGE

I saw this in my son tonight. Big time. And it scared the living shit out of me. My son has NEVER made me feel afraid, until now. This child is bubbling over with rage and I don't know how to help him. He is calm at the moment but I will be calling his doctor tomorrow. Which will bring on a new episode I'm sure.

I allowed him to rage and spoke to him very calmly and told him I want to help him with his anger. I told him I loved him and couldn't stand to see him so troubled. He told me through clenched teeth and tears that it was never going to stop. I told him that I used to be angry and full of rage all the time and he asked me if I ever thought of killing myself or have I ever even tried to kill myself, like he has. Then he asked me if I ever though of killing someone else, like he has. All of this while breathing heavy and clenched teeth. Like I said it scared me, to think it is even worse than I knew.

I now understand why his doctor gave me a refrigerator magnet with a 1-800 number for the Emergency Mobile Psychiatric people, I almost used it tonight. I'll be sleeping with one eye open tonight. God help us. Please.