Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Everything Happens For a Reason

That's what I have been told anyway. Tonight I went to my regular Tuesday night Beach House meeting. I was going to have to chair because our regular guy had another out of town commitment. I am already the coffee maker and I really didn't want to chair-but would if I had to. On the way the chair calls me and tells me he missed his ride and would I pick him up for the Beach meeting. COOL. I'm off the hook! YAY! So I pick him up, set up the coffee and go outside to smoke with my beloved drunks until the meeting begins.
Up the ramp walks an older lady with a younger woman. The younger of the two meekly asks if anyone has a cigarette. I must be honest when I heard her ask I thought geez-she can't even say hello and bums a cig right from the get go. Whats her problem? The older woman (who turned out to be this girls Mom) went inside and I started to realize that this woman was in a pretty bad place. She was groggy, shaking, smelling like I used to smell. She had just been released from the hospital and was at her first meeting in a long time. She asked the three of us how long we have been sober and when we told her she looked at us in awe and asked "how do I do it, when will I not feel like this?" She told us she was scared. She didn't want to die. We gave her a meeting book with our phone numbers and told her to USE these numbers and just keep coming to meetings.
When it was time for the meeting to begin, I stood her up and led her in (I was afraid she was going to fall over) and she stopped short of going through the door where the meeting is held. She said she was scared. I told her everyone in that room has been where she is and not to worry, I would sit with her if she wanted. She wanted. She grabbed my hand and didn't let go until break time. After the break we give out chips for various lengths of sobriety. I convinced her to go up and get a newcomer chip. She hesitated, but did go up and get it. She came back to sit down with a smile on her face. When she got the opportunity to share, she told everyone exactly what she should have. She was newly sober, she was scared and she didn't want to die.
I believe that God put that woman in my life for a reason. If the evening went like it was supposed to, I would have had to chair the meeting and I would not have been able to hook up with her. I plan on taking her to a women's meeting tomorrow and want to try to help her if I can. After all, what would have become of me if no one reached out to ME when I first came in? I want to give back what has been freely given to me. That's how the miracle happens. We try to help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. I will pray for my new friend tonight, pray that she gets well. I freakin love this program!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Fire Sale Anyone?

So I'm at work today and a co-worker peeks in my office and announces to me that our store is on fire, call the fire dept. WTF !!! Now mind you, just a few years ago-this would have been a dream come true for me. I hated my job and wished the dump would burn down. Today I kinda like being gainfully employed so I call 911. They told us to evacuate and so out to the parking lot we all go. Come to find out some dipshit disposed of some batteries improperly and they just started to blow up and shoot sparks everywhere, catching cardboard and what not on fire. Geez, what a smoky mess it was. FOUR HOURS later, we were allowed back in the store. Made for some awesome OVERTIME for me....Awesome as in, mo money for the holidays.

Speaking of the holidays, I decided that I will battle all the bitches this year on Black Friday! How much fun will that be! I already have my list and my mace ready people. I will be bringing my sister Barb for backup. Together we will make a killing, yes I mean literally. If any of these twats think they're getting their mitts on that GPS I've had my eye on forever or the LCD HDTV I sooooooo want they got another thing comin! My cart will become a lethal weapon. So Ya'll better watch out! FUN!

I need to kick the boys off the Wii so I can go to sleep. My son is here and my nephew Bub is here. Lemme tell you a bit about this child. Having him over is a bit like living "Ferris Buehlers' Day Off".......without the day off. He is the same age as my son J, and has the best sense of humor of any 13 year old I have ever met. He has been cracking us up with his antics since the day he was born, I friggin love this kid.

Life is good. Can't wait to kick some serious ass on Black Friday. Peace

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Thank U God, its done

The big 13th birthday party is over and done. Whew. I busted my ass to get this house in order and to put the new gym together all by my lonesome, thank you very much. I am one tiiiied girl. I am still up as there are children playing Wii in my sleeping quarters-so I write.
The party went well, a mixture of my family and my exes family (minus the ex) and everyone got along quite nicely. I need to explain that I have not invited my exes family to ANYTHING in probably 5 years or more. This year I put my kids needs and wishes before my own and invited them and I was kinda surprised to have them all come! My son loves them, and he rarely gets to see them since he has the loser from hell for a dad-who never sees him never mind any of his family members. He is still out there slowly committing suicide with his drinking. All I can do is pray for him (if he drops dead and breaks my kids heart-I'll bring him back to life just so I can kill him).
So my sons' sister (from anutha mutha) and her new baby came tonight. This made my son a very happy tween. She is living here in town, but is moving to the windy city after the holidays. My son is crushed. This will be another "loss" for him. First his dad and now his sister and his niece. Because dear old dad left and never contacts him, he thinks that his sister will be gone forever as well. He suffers from bipolar disorder and depression and this news has hit him hard. I'm glad she showed. J (son) is so proud to be an uncle and it was awesome that he had her at his partay.

What I am grateful for today:

  • today I am sober
  • I have a happy child (today)
  • I have forgiveness from people I have harmed in the past
  • I have a great family who loves me unconditionally
  • I have great friends!
  • I have a roof over my head
  • I have a job I love
  • I have a clean house YAY!
  • I will remember my sons' 13th birthday party-forever-because I was sober!
  • I am grateful that I am able to be grateful
  • that I am learning how to LIVE again
  • for AA-aabsolutely saved my life
  • that I have 1095 days sober, one day at a time!
  • God willing I will celebrate 3 years on Monday the 17th of Nov.
  • that God is good to me
  • that I love me today

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I'm off

Its my day off and I begin my day by volunteering - yes - volunteering at my sons' school. Cause that's how I roll now. After that I need to do some shopping (YAY) since we will be celebrating his 13th birthday this weekend! I can still remember seeing that pretty blue strip on my pregnancy test confirming that yes indeed, this drunk was gonna be someones mommy! WTF! I remember saying NO WAY, I cannot do this. I can't have a kid in my life. When would I have time to drink? Thirteen years later, I can honestly say its the very best thing that could've happened to this alcoholic. This kid has given me a reason to live, a purpose. God bless him.


If my beloved dog relieves himself one more time inside my house I swear I will stick a lightbulb up his ass, paint his nose red and park his sorry ass out on my lawn and change his name to Rudolph. Happy Fuckin holidays.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

What an awesome night

Here I go, spillin my guts all over the internet! HA! I am an alcoholic named Denise. I should really say I am a grateful recovering alcoholic. In one week, God willing, I will have three years clean and sober. Who'd of thunk it. If you knew me then, you certainly would not have thunk it! I went thru hell and back one too many times(and if you were unfortunate enough to have been with me, I would have brought you down with me as well), and it was time to clean up my act or I was gonna die. Die and leave my young son without a mom and with a father who is still out there using. I thank God every day for AA. It literally saved my life, and for that I will be eternally grateful.
Today life is worth living. Today I have a life. Today I can help others to recover. Today I have a son who is getting well, as long as I stay well. Today I have the respect of others. Today I don't have to worry about what I did or said last night, because I am sober and I actually REMEMBER what I did and said last night! Today I can drift off to sleep instead of passing out (what a concept!) Today I don't have to lie, to cover up all the other lies I told. Today I can be a good mom. For all of this and more I am so grateful. JUST FOR TODAY.