I am feeling a bit melancholy-so bear with me here. I am feeling sorry for my kid. I feel sorry for him because all he has to do is hang out here at our house with ME. Mom. Big fucking deal. I think it's fair to say that he doesn't have a real friend. I think his illness prevents him from becoming close to any of his peers from school. He's not the friendliest person on the school scene. He keeps to himself in class. He is my baby and I could just bust out in tears at this very moment because he is so alone. He claims to like it that way (I do too sometimes) but that doesn't make me feel any better. I want him to be genuinely happy. I want him to have dreams and have goals in life-but he sees nothing but sadness. He can't see beyond this darkness. He feels that this is where he will always be. I just can't accept that. I will keep working on him. And his meds. And his therapy. And maybe we will see that miracle happen.
I called a relative to look after J when I go on my retreat in a few weeks and she said she could not do it-she would be visiting her sister in Georgia. This woman is the sister of my baby daddy. The woman she is going to be visiting in Georgia is another of baby daddy's sisters. I used to be BFF's with her until my relationship with baby daddy went south. Baby daddy has 4 sisters and all but one of them shunned me when I had him thrown in jail for beating on me. So much for women stickin' together. Blood is indeed thicker than water folks. I'm sure my drunken behavior played a part in our parting of ways. But were were besties and I miss her. I just found out that this trip includes my sons sister who just moved to Chicago and his niece who he misses terribly. He has been in a DEEP depression since they left right after Xmas. J's aunt and sister both KNOW how much this move has affected him. I hope J does not find out that they are all going on a happy vacation without him. Oh GOD please don't let him find out.
I called a relative to look after J when I go on my retreat in a few weeks and she said she could not do it-she would be visiting her sister in Georgia. This woman is the sister of my baby daddy. The woman she is going to be visiting in Georgia is another of baby daddy's sisters. I used to be BFF's with her until my relationship with baby daddy went south. Baby daddy has 4 sisters and all but one of them shunned me when I had him thrown in jail for beating on me. So much for women stickin' together. Blood is indeed thicker than water folks. I'm sure my drunken behavior played a part in our parting of ways. But were were besties and I miss her. I just found out that this trip includes my sons sister who just moved to Chicago and his niece who he misses terribly. He has been in a DEEP depression since they left right after Xmas. J's aunt and sister both KNOW how much this move has affected him. I hope J does not find out that they are all going on a happy vacation without him. Oh GOD please don't let him find out.
