Sharing with the Boys

Well, I'm home from our commitment. It went really well, considering I was a nervous wreck. I find that the more I share my story the easier it gets. Our chairman for the night was Kerry, the guy who wants me but will never get me (hehe). I usually tell him before hand whether or not I will be sharing or not. Last time we went to this treatment center, I told him flat out NO - I just wanted to get a feel for the place and maybe next time. Well tonight was next time. I didn't give him the thumbs up or down before the meeting started. He called a few of the other ladies first, who did a fantastic job. All I could think was -oh geez, I'm gonna get up there and sound like an ass now, compared to them! Kerry took his life into his own hands and called me up to share. He is a brave man. I got up there and OMG - it was quite humbling to get up there and tell 110 men my story. From what I heard from my group I sounded good, but I of course didn't think so. I didn't know a single one of them, so I figured why the hell not. Just get up there and do it. One of the men in our group told me afterward he was watching the "crowd" and I had their attention. They were listening, which is why we do this. Hopefully someone got something out of what I said. A number of them came up and thanked me for sharing, which was nice. One of them was so kind that I ended up giving him a bag of candy-LMAO. I was like ohhh, thanks for being so kind to me-Here you get a prize LMAO. He was grateful, they don't get too many treats where they're at.
So all in all it was a great night. One of our convoy got pulled over for running a stop sign on the way home and another sober friend called me because they got a flat on the highway on the way home from another meeting. I was sober tonight and I was able to help them out after I dropped off my carload at their homes. I didn't think twice about going to get them, because that's what we do for real friends today. When I was out there I wouldn't have answered my phone, never mind drive out and pick your butt up off the side of the highway. Hell, no. But I do these things today because I am sober. I will sleep good tonight, after thanking my Higher Power for keeping me safe and sober for another day. Cool. Queen....OUT

Sharing in Meetings

Back in the day (well the beginning of sobriety-or the beginning of trying to get sober) I would do ANYTHING to NOT have to share at a meeting. I would avoid eye contact with the chair, go off to the bathroom, hide in the kitchen, etc. I was purrrrety good at it too for a while, I must say. That is until my fellow alkies caught on. They would say no not everyone got to share, where is Denise? LOL. I would have to come out of hiding and mumble something or other and then we could end the meeting. Those sons a bitches! Always MAKING me share! Well for a while I was still drinking and going to meetings, so I really didn't have much to share, nothing but my own misery. When I finally surrendered, and actually started working my program and stopped the insanity I was putting myself through-it slowly but surely became easier to speak. GO FIGURE. I know this girl who I actually met in rehab a few years back. She is sooooo much like I was, SHIT SCARED to share. I see the old me when I see her called upon, and I feel for her. I pray it becomes easier for her as well.
That said I am going to a speaker meeting tonight. lol. They USED to be my favorite kind, just sit and listen-but not so much anymore. It happens to be one of the only meeting going on tonight around here, and I need to go. Don't feel like drinking, I just know I need it to keep myself in check. I need to be reminded every day that I am an alcoholic and meetings are my medicine. So I'm off to go get my medicine, Have a great night all......