WE WILL be ok

Here I sit, first thing on a damn Sunday morning-first one in AGES that I have not had to work and I am AWAKE. What the hell! I took a few mental health days, MUCH needed ones indeed.

I was planning on taking a small trip. We haven't really been anywhere since I went and bought my home last year. It was time to get away. BUT, it was not to be. You see I have a beautiful 15 year old son who informed me that he didn't want to go. "Just leave me 200 bucks, and I'll eat out every night." Ya, mama doesn't think so.

My son is suffering. He is so severly depressed, like I have never seen him before. The last few weeks have been hell. He is posting suicidal thoughts on his Facebook account. He tells me every day that he wants to kill himself. I told his therapist all of this and they came this close >.< to hospitalizing him.

He has been depressed for years. Doesn't help that he is basically screaming out for help on his facebook page and no one on his bio dads (POS) side is being the least bit supportive. As in NO RESPONSE from them at all. No phone calls, nothing. I think that is what he wants. No, I KNOW thats what he wants. His father ignores his mental illness, his sister (POS's Daughter) does too. He loves these people (yea, I don't get it either) and they just simply do not care.

All I can do is support him, love him and pray to God that he gets some relief from this GODDAMMED depression soon.

Oh and I am still sober, otherwise how would I be able to care for my baby? That might just be the biggest gift of my sobriety-the ability to be a real mom who is present for my boy.

QUEEN..........OUT

I have missed you all

Well, well, well....I see you have all been able to go on just fine without yer Queen for a few months. I though for SURE that everything would come to a screeching halt since I haven't been around! HA, I kid of course. Nothing is all about me anymore. Hasn't been for quite some time now.

So I will have to look around later and see what your all up to, hopefully its NOT no good!

I have been settling in nicely in my new castle. I actually LOVE coming home now! I used to dread it, loathe it. Now I look forward to coming home and dreaming of what I want and need to do to this house to make it my own, truly mine. I have lots of ideas, but I am going to take it one day at a time-just like my recovery. This is one of the many gifts I have received since beginning my journey in recovery. I am blessed, blessed BLESSED!!!

I will try to check in more often, I missed each and every one of you!

QUEEN........OUT

THRILLED is putting it mildly

I have had quite a busy 2 months. I didn't even get a chance to check in with any of you except a peek here and there. I miss you and hope to catch up real soon. I have a good excuse, I was busy BUYING MY FIRST HOME!!! YAY!! Hence the title. I am extremely thrilled to have been blessed with this beautiful home. Even more thrilling is that Prince absolutely LOVES HIS NEW HOME!!! Now if you have been reading me you know my son suffers from depression and BP disorder and he does not like ANYTHING. I overheard him say to his uncle that he LOVES it when asked how he likes it here. OMG, that alone makes it all so much more special. I think this is a good step in helping him through his difficulties. He despised our last house as it was kind of a DUMP with a SLUMLORD that we didn't care for. I think the memories of the battles he witnessed between myself and his father made him hate it even more. I left that house for the last time today and let me tell you it was a relief to pull out of that driveway for the VERY LAST TIME.

I closed and we moved in this past Friday, which was also the 13th anniversary of my mothers passing. I looked at that as a good omen, as if my mom was shining down on me and letting me know she was there and was proud of my accomplishments. I truly do feel that. Its WEIRD that every aspect of buying this home and everything since has been PERFECT. Not a single glitch. No broken furniture, no parting bad words from the SLUMLORD (he wished me luck in my new home!). By the time the ink was dry on the contract, my sister and sister in law had ALL OF MY STUFF moved in! As in truck was EMPTY and my sun porch and living room were setup and most boxes unpacked(those girls were PHENOMENAL!) I had two women and 2 teenagers move my whole house and it worked out perfectly. It has just been one good thing after another and I AM NOT USED TO THAT!! Where, oh where, has my SHIT FAIRY gone? I certainly don't miss that bitch.

QUEEN.......OUT

Greg-sweet Greg

This handsome young man is my cousin Greg. He was heinously taken from this world and his family almost four years age by a person so small and insignificant that I won't even mention his name here. The trial for taking Greg and his step brother Derek begins today. Please pray for Greg and Derek's families-that the outcome of the trial will be just punishment for this most unnecessary crime and that the families of both of these young men can begin to heal.

With that, I'm off to court to support my family during this diffucult time.

Thanks in advance for your prayers.

QUEEN...........OUT

Soon I will have my very own castle

Happy Easter folks!! It's been over a month since I had a chance to post last and I have missed youse guys! I'm still a sober Queen, loving every minute of every day lately.

I must say if I check in and see ANOTHER one of you bloggers closing up shop I am gonna hafta slap a bitch. Knock it off, and I mean now! YOU ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE! Yes YOU. and YOU and YOU.

I have been spending all of my spare time lately online, hunting for a home. I am like a madwoman. I will find the house of my dreams, in fact I may have found it already. Just waiting to hear from my real estate guy.

I have never owned a home. I have always been self-sufficient, kept up on my bills (MOST of the time!) and just could never get out of debt. Even during my drinken days, I still managed to pay bills-but could never get ahead enough to actually buy anything. I was scared to take that big step. I was also stuck with a POS all those years and never wanted him in my home. So I have recently found myself in a good position financially to be able to finally move outta the GHETTO house I have been renting for about 12 years. I have worked very hard to get to this point and I am so very grateful for AA and the support and love of my sober friends. I guess it's true-"they will materialize, if we work for them." I LOVE THAT! Here are the Twelve Promises of AA. A whole bunch of them have materialized for me-because I WORKED FOR THEM!~Enjoy~

I'm feeling so grateful

Today I am so grateful for

• a loving God who helped me stay away from that first drink today.
• a great home group! I LOVE my recovering friends so.
• a new contract at work guarantees me another three years with a great job/great benefits etc. Thank God!
• a capable vehicle which I used to pick up two of my drunks to go to tonights meeting.
• the ability to be able to help others.
• the laughter and the sorrow shared at our meeting tonight.
• the reminder that its not all peaches and cream in recovery.
• ALL of YOU.

SWEET DREAMS to you all......QUEEN OUT

It's been too long

So I have been away from blogging for about a month, the longest I have been away since I started. I haven't even been reading blogs really. I feel terrible about this and promise to do better.
I just got off the phone with my niece. She has been calling and texting me relentlessly for about a week and I have pretty much ignored her. Why? Cause she's a pain in my ass. Two years ago she angrily told me she didn't want anything to do with me, along with a lot of other hurtful things and I have kept my distance. I have stayed away, just like she asked. Now she's blowing up my phone. What the hell. When I called her tonight she reluctantly told me that she has been addicted to the pain meds she was getting from the car accident she was in just before she disowned me. OY. She has been off of them for 4 days now and she just wanted to talk to someone who would understand. I told her to keep doing whatever it is she's doing and to pray A LOT. I told her I would get her started on meetings. I told her I loved her and would help her. She has an appointment with a mental health clinic tomorrow and I advised her to be HONEST with them. Her mother, my sister, died from a methadone overdose in 2000. Anyone who doesn't believe that this is a family disease is full of shit.
In other news-My son is doing FABULOUS in school and at home. I am so proud of him and all he has overcome. But I can't tell him that because he doesn't think he is doing as well as he is. The self-esteem (or lack of) is still a huge issue, but little by slow he is getting better. We take that one day at a time also.
Sister is no longer living here with us. She just stopped coming here. After a few days I assumed she was staying at her house. That was about a month ago. I guess shes not coming back. She has not come to visit, nor has she moved her things out of my house. Nor have we talked about why she left. She has told me she missed her son and had to go home. That's all I know about that. I know when I was in her shoes I felt like CRAP having to let POS back into my life more than once. I was actually ASHAMED of myself, but I had to do it at the time to get my son off to school at the time. When Prince was finally old enough I kicked that trash out for good and got sober. So we'll see what the next chapter brings in her life. I wish nothing but the best for her.
So I picked up a few more commitments in my meetings. I am treasurer of one, secretary of another and I am leading one also. I need to keep busy and involved.
I am going to try to catch up on what y'all have been up to now. Have a blessed night people. QUEEN.......OUT