Gratitude

Its been too long since I put my fingers to the keyboard and let y'all know how blessed I am~

I am so grateful that I am no longer in an abusive, alcoholic relationship. I see and hear things around me all the time truly feel for the people who are still "stuck" like I was. There is a way out.

I will celebrate another birthday in AA soon, I am so grateful for this most wonderful program and all of those who came before me.

My son's birthday is the same day as my AA birthday and I think that is the coolest shit EVER. We share a birthday.....WOW

I have a true friend in one of POS sisters. She truly understands me and has stood up for me when needed and for that I thank her.

I still have my job, my home,my son, my car, my LIFE. None of which I would have without AA

I have the RESPECT of my peers and my family. again WOW

I have the best home group ever. If you don't feel the same way about yours-get another one.

I get to go to work tomorrow and earn double time.

Blast O Butter popcorn and Java Chip Frappichino Ice cream. yeah.

I get to go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning now. As opposed to passing out and coming to.

No more guilt and shame. Gone, bye, cya. That is the best I tell you.

You all have an awesome weekend. I know I will.....QUEEN.....OUT

OK NOW I got something

As some of you may know, I have a few of my relatives living here with me. My sister and her 19 year old daughter. I love them both very much and they both had a bad situation where they came from prior to coming here. I have been practically BEGGING my sister to come here for what is seems like forever. She finally arrived a few months ago and her daughter followed soon after.

So you know your Queen doesn't beat around the bush. I am CONCERNED about my sister (who reads my blog BTW). I am an alcoholic and will soon celebrate 4 years of sobriety (God willing). That's not really very long, and I DO remember where I came from and what I went through to get sober. I make damn sure I remember where I was and how I was feeling that day.

Living here with little sister is like watching a movie of my life before I got sober. She is doing the SAME shit I did, its like looking into the past and I don't like what I'm seeing. I am watching her drink to excess, miss work, and slowly crash and burn JUST LIKE I DID. She does not see that this is a problem. I worry she is going to lose her job. Will that be her bottom? It hurts me to see her go through this and it hurts her children. I don't think anyone other than the alcoholic can say they are one, but she sure is drinking and acting alcoholically. I don't want her to leave, she is always welcome here. But I do know she is suffering and I want to help. I am not going to call in the AA popo or anything drastic like that - but something has got to give here.

If you are an alkie like me and you don't think that you are hurting anyone but yourself, you need to think again. It hurts and affects all of your family, loved ones, your coworkers, EVERYONE around you. I know that when you are in the middle of all that chaos you simply DON'T GIVE A SHIT. I think that's where she is at right about now. She blew off work today because "she didn't feel like dealing with those people today." UM. OK. Been there, done that have a work file six inches thick to prove it. I am so done with booze and the impact it has had on my family. Every one of us six children have some form of this disease. My big brother, (you all remember Drunkle Uncle) just got out of the hospital for drinking related issues. I lost a sister to drug use and alcoholism. ENOUGH is ENOUGH. Our children don't deserve to be brought up in a home with all these goddamn drunks. It's a vicious cycle that need to end.

Little sister, I love you more than you could even imagine. We need to talk sista. Somethings gotta give. Because I feel like I am losing you. So do your children. All of them. There IS a way of life without alcohol that is second to none. Let me help you find it.

I got nuthin

To complain about that is! How nice it feels not to have to come in here or anywhere really, and bitch about something that isn't going MY way. How nice not to have to come to this morning and contemplate whether or not I would be gracing my job with my presence. Oh and then there's the lie I would have to tell them about WHY I wouldn't be going in THIS TIME. "I am having trouble with my eyes, I can't see coming in today" HA HA HA. Yea. That kind of fucked up stuff I no longer need to do. I have AA to thank for my sanity today and every day. What a blessing. I am just a happy Queen today.

I found the perfect gift for my son today. His birthday is in a few weeks and I stumbled upon this here item and snatched that shit right up. It is a ONE POUND Reese's Peanut Butter Cup candy bar......Actually it is a package of TWO cups, each 8 ounces. ITS HUMUNGOUS! He is going to love it! SCORE!

Thanks for letting me share...QUEEN.....OUT

Surrender

Until I fully surrendered, I could NOT stay away from that first drink. I was a sloooow learner and it was not until 13 years after my first rehab in 1992 that I finally put it down. I remember when I came back in 2005, I was still not ENTIRELY ready. I went to meetings regularly, but I was also DRINKING regularly. I do NOT recommend this method to anyone and I try not to mention it around newcomers. Threes nothing like a head full of AA and a belly full of booze. It was agonizing but I persevered and "kept coming" like I always heard and one day it just stuck. Thank you God.

I see people coming in and out of the rooms of AA. Some just go out and never come back. Some are are still out there suffering and some are dead. This is a deadly disease and when I see a fellow AA member out there suffering it not only hurts but it also helps me. It helps me by reminding me of where I will be if I choose to drink again.

I thankfully still have my job and recently I have seen someone from the fellowship (FORMALLY-I suppose) who is ripping us off blind and coming in to return the items for cash. This is someone who asked me to sponsor her and I agreed to do it temporarily. She never called me and the next time I saw her was months later when she came back and got her one year chip. I remember feeling relieved that she was still working her program.

I know her and I feel for her, but I try to intercept the transaction when I see her in the store. I will NOT give her cash. She looks like hell and she doesn't even know who I am. Or maybe she does and just doesn't care. She is back out there and it's incredibly sad.

All I can do is pray for her and others that are out there suffering. They know where to go for help and I hope they make it back safely.

I am grateful for AA and the fellowship. I pray that I will not have to worry about coming back in, but you just never know.

I heard something profound in a meeting last night that I would like to share with you. My friend Peter was sharing and he said "I have never heard of someone going back out there and drinking again that prayed to their Higher Power that morning to keep them from a drink for that day." This man has quite a few 24 hours and I love what he has to say, every time he shares.

You all have a great HUMP day and stay sober with me.....QUEEN....OUT

GROWTH

I had to buy two space heaters for my house, since my heat is off. It's just a matter of someone coming and getting my furnace going and then we will be all set. I hope it doesn't get TOO cold in the meantime, but I got these heaters. They needed a little bit of assembly and my son did it, and he said to me "I'm getting to be quite the handyman, aren't I?" and I said "Well you kind of need to be and you're doing a good job." Then he said "I wish dad was still here, I wish you two were still together" UGH. And I said what I USUALLY say "I'm sorry Buddy" and HE then said "I guess he just had a different plan than we did." How awful insightful of this 13 year old young man, don't you think? He is absolutely right. He is growing and maturing quite nicely and I am so proud of him. I just wanted to share this with you all. He is still hurting and he can verbalize it to me instead of acting out in anger and that my friends is growth. Thank you GOD.

How Y'all Dewin?

I am doing pretty good. I have been a bit busy, but that's NO excuse for not keeping up here in blogger land. I have been in reading and commenting here and there but I need to get back to regular blogging. I love it here and it is an important part of my recovery and just like my meetings I can't let it just slip away. We all know what complacency leads too. But I am really doing well. Here is a bullet list for ya~

• I went to an awesome meeting tonight. Cold and rainy but shit that NEVER stopped me from going to the damn packy so off I went.


• Prince is doing soooo good in school. He is really trying his best. He missed making up a test on Friday after school and he emailed his teacher ON HIS OWN to apologize and reschedule. I didn't even know he knew HOW to do this!! (email)


• Sister is fine and so is my sweet little (19 yrs old) niece. Its nice to have people around here for a change. At one point today you would have thought it was Christmas with all the relatives that were here. Cool. Really Cool!


• It actually SNOWED here the other night. And my heat does not work. But we just bundled up and turned on a few space heaters and I had my little shit of a dog to snuggle up with and nobody froze to death.


• Oh - this one is GOOD. I ran into my FIRST EVER BOYFRIEND in my regular Tuesday night meeting. HA! When I told him who I was he freaked out (in a good way) and he said " I had the BIGGEST crush on you". Ha, well OF COURSE HE DID!


• My big brother (Uncle Drunkle) is out of the hospital and I am happy to report that he has not had a drink since he was released! YAY. Don't know if he is going to stick with it, but for now this is definitely a good thing and he feels great.


• I am kinda gettin pissed that for some reason I cannot seem to copy and paste from one blog to another. Anyone else having this problem?


• The other day I had a button pop off of my jeans. Then, the zipper went on another pair. While I was at WORK. I had to keep hiking up my draws all damn day. It was real attractive. I wish my damn dryer would STOP shrinking all my damn clothes!!! Yea, that's what it must be, THE DRYER. It could NOT be the Blasto-O-Butter popcorn that I consume every freakin day, nope that's not it.

Well you all have a kick ass evening and I will see you soon.....Queen.....OUT

See I knew I was missed

You love me....You REALLY love me! I knew it! I want to thank Robin at Beans Path for this lovely blog award.

Here's the deal on this prestigious award folks~

The rules are as follows:

Answer the survey below…you can only use one word answers!
Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers!
Alert them that you have given them this award!
Have Fun!
_______________________________________________________
Where is your cell phone?- pocket
Your hair? - "lightening"
Your mother?- hilarious
Your father? – missed
Your favorite food?-all
Your dream last night?-wet
Your favorite drink? icedcoffee
Your dream/goal? – happiness
What room are you in?- living
Your hobby?-facebook (so I'm a LOSER-Whatever)
Your Fear?- Loss
Where do you want to be in 6 years? –alive
Where were you last night? – Home
Something that you aren’t? drunk
Muffins? pastries!
Wish list item? maid
Where did you grow up? southeast
Last thing you did? dishes
What are you wearing? hoodie
Your TV? fabulous
Your pets? outside
Friends? recovery
Your life? content
Your mood? bored
Missing someone? nope
Vehicle? explorer
Something you’re not wearing? pasties
Your favorite store? cvs
Your favorite color? green
When was the last time you laughed? today
Last time you cried? dunno
One place that I go to over and over? work
One person who emails me regularly? vivvy
Favorite place to eat? any

I'm going to pass this to:

Ann H. at My Magic Nation~because she rocks and has been absent as of late and needs to get her sweet ass back to bloggin.

Farrell at Nothing Gained, Nothing Lost~I pass this on to you dearest Farrell because I can so identify with you and love reading you.

Sarah at Complications of a Perfect Life~I heart you Sarah and am proud of how you are doing with everything that's going on-you are amazing!

Akaannie at Elegant Blessings~An amazing woman, who always writes just what I need to hear, when I need to hear it. Love her.

Far From Ordinary at Shes Come Undone~A newcomer to recovery, I visit her often. If you read this dear, I have tried to leave comments but I cannot. A black screen is all I see and it pisses me off! I really would like to comment so if that is something that can be fixed that would be great. We are here to help if we can!

and lastly to Hurricane Rojo at I've Got POOP In My Pocket because I just love her to pieces. AND she totally got me the coolest gift from her vacation this summer and I LOVE PRESENTS! I can be bought people, just so you know.

I hope you all have a great night!! QUEEN....OUT