Friday, May 29, 2009
I am going to Home Depot to pick out MY new floor! YAY! Queen....OUT
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
My sister came over this afternoon for a cookout and we had a side splittin blast as usual. We get to laughin so much its a chore to breathe sometimes. There was peeing involved, and it wasn't in the rest room if you know what I mean. Yea that much fun. She seems to have made her decision about leaving her crappy situation. Come the end of school year(just a few weeks!) she will be moving in here. YAY! I will breathe a big ole sigh of relief only when I see her tucked snugly into her new room, having a good nights sleep for the first time in who knows how friggin long. I think it will be very good for her to at LEAST step away from her "situation" for a while so she can think about what she needs to do long term. I will be here for her every step of the way.
While she was here we went to a nursing home down the street to visit her best friends' Mom. What a pistol. I remember when we were young teens and sister would hang out with her friend, and upstairs was my best friend. We both practically lived in that house, we were never home. Only thing about that situation was, both households were SEVERELY alcoholic. Severe. The woman we visited is now 80 years old and boy back in the day, she could put down some pretty serious liquor! OMG! A few years ago she had a fire in her home (cause she was hammered and smoking) and got burned up pretty bad. Ever since then she has been in a nursing home where she can no longer drink or smoke. I believe that that fire probably saved her life. When I heard about the fire, I couldn't believe she was still alive because of her heavy alcohol use. I didn't know she was a half mile down the street or we would have gone a lot sooner.
So it was a good visit, but extremely sad to see people just siting around-in their wheelchairs-staring into space and I think I need to do something about the way i felt when I walked in there today. Or should I say do something about the way these patients feel sitting there day after day in a GD hallway. I know someone who works there and I am going to see if I can go volunteer to maybe sit and visit with some of them~I don't know, SOMETHING. The first person I saw was a man sitting in a wheelchair who had no legs, I am GUESSING that he is probably a veteran. Sitting in a home on Memorial Day, all alone. I will let you know what comes of the chat with my (in the program) friend on what they allow there.
Ok it's beddy bye boos time people, QUEEN....OUT
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Soooo....like I said I have been working night-just for this week. A few of my people(yes I HAVE people) are on vacation so I volunteered to do some nights. Then came this week and I was like, Shiiiiit - I don't really WANT to do this now!!! Reason being, people generally SUCK. Working with the public SUCKS. I live in Connecticut and believe me when I tell you there are some pretty frikken rude ass people in this state. My "normal" job entails working in an office behind the scenes, doing my accounting thing all day. I love it. What I had to do this week is stand behind a counter and kiss major ass to customers all week. I am NOT a good ass kisser. NOPE. I have one more night to work tomorrow and the nightmare will be over. Well I THOUGHT it would be a horrible experience-but miraculously it has been not so awful! I must say these people (customers) have been quite nice, not one of them got out of line with me. No name calling. No fist fights between them in line(yep-it's happened). Not even a scammer. We usually get lots of those. I have had the BEST conversations with some very nice people. Mostly elderly folks. Really, sweet~sweet~sweet people. I was on my best behavior and was kind to all of my cussies (customers HA!) and they were kind right back. I am also getting to know my night people a bit better and that's a plus as well. So to wrap it up I have to say that I would probably do it again but NOT on a full moon week. OH HELL NO. They are at their worst during a full moon.
OK lets really wrap it up now with a bit of gratitude shall we?
- for J, my wonderful son...who mowed the lawn with no argument yesterday!
- for having my energy back, depression sucks big donkey dick
- a wonderful family, who I may get together with this weekend since the yard is lookin' all nice
- a great job, and nice cussies this week
- for being sober today, I liked it so much I may try it again tomorrow!
- for my SIL (sista-in-law) who though of me when selling her almost new fridge and stove. I need both and will be buying them from her~pretty cheep too! YAY
- for my continued awesome realaionship with God, without Him none of this would be posssible. NONE.
Have yourselves a kickin' Saturday, and a safe and happy holiday weekend! QUEEN....OUT
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I got caffeine in my system and when I got home I WAS going to mow the lawn. Then I talked myself right outta that one! I have teenagers that need to be doing that kind of work around here. I may try to do some of it later on this afternoon, we'll see.
I am doing floors, laundry, dishes. You know all the crap I have been avoiding due to a combination of depression and flat out laziness. So lemme get off of here and get back to work, while I still have the urge to get something done.
Have yourselves a great afternoon~ QUEEN....OUT
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Today I am grateful for~
- being one year older, and still sober. There was a time when I REALLY thought I would not see 40. I turned 45 yesterday.
- working 6 hours of double time today
- a dependable vehicle to get me where I need to be
- a kick-ass sister~love my Vivvy
- a great kid, who is becoming quite a helpful and loving young man
- my sober friends, in real life and the cyber-sober ones too
- yet ANOTHER new boss, who is kind to me and has kids too~so he get it that sometimes I need to take off with a minutes notice
- my bills are slow but sure getting paid off. Funny how that works huh?
- a friend who gifted me with clothing that no longer fits her son, boy did that come in handy!
- my friend Heather is back home with her children, taking it slow. One minute at a time-but that's OK.
Good night to you all, Happy Sober Sunday~QUEEN.....OUT
Thursday, May 14, 2009
- having God back in my life-
- having relatively good health, now if I could just "make the decision" to stop smoking...
- being able to let go and let God
- my son. In many ways, that kid has saved my life~
- my sister, I love her to pieces and wish her nothing but the best.
- for patience ~ that I have been able to hold back and not kidnap her from her hell. I know she will "make her decision" when the time is right.
- my awesome job, and the support of my coworkers.
- my new girlfriends in AA, boy when we drunks clean up there's some pretty darn cool people under all that mess!
- being willing and able to help those that want and need it.
- I am happy to be sober and available for my son and his needs. I see much improvement and that is truly a miracle.
- that I'm able to recognize these miracles happening all around me.
- that these miracles are happening to ME and I kinda like that.
- no stress in my life, yep thats right NONE-Let Go Let GOD~
- for some pretty nice people I have met on blogger in the last few months, I truly enjoy reading all of your experience, strength and hope every day.
Thanks all of you for your kindness and prayers for Heather at "I've Got Poop In My Pocket". This is what I mean about all you cool people. I have not heard from her, she is still in my prayers and I hope she is ok. Heather if you read this, please email me when you get a minute.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
I went to a women's meeting with a friend this afternoon (after sleeping in MOST of the day-not good). I am glad she called me because I was THINKING of going but in the back of my mind I really didn't want to go. When I got the call, I suggested we go to the women's meeting that she had never attended and off we went. She loved it, and I am glad I got off my butt and went. We are planning on doing this every week-we shall see if I follow through. I have been having a problem with following through on anything for a while now. I procrastinate the shit outta everything and out of all of my character defects, this one bothers me the most. When I DO get off said butt I am pretty happy with what I get accomplished. Its the actual physically MOVING my ass and getting going that's the issue. If my GF had not called me, I would have stayed home. I am a work in progress, and always will be. I called it procrastination and I really need to face what it really is. Its laziness. Laziness can and will get me into trouble. I am going to start to pray on that for myself. Yep that's what I will do, give it to God and hopefully He will give me the energy and strength I need to get even the simplest things done. I think it has a lot to do with depression as well. Look at me, diagnosing MYSELF. Now I am my own therapist too.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
- For being a power of example for me.
- For teaching me the real meaning of family.
- For loving each and every one of us kids, unconditionally
- For passing on your amazing cooking skills/recipes
- For teaching me how to be a responsible adult. I didn't always do it but I KNEW HOW BECAUSE OF YOU
- For trying to get me to quit drinking. I appreciate the effort, but it wasn't going to happen till I was ready.
- For still being there for me every day, I feel you here with us-I truly do
- For being a kick ass lady-I'm pretty sure that's where I got my spunkiness, hehe
- For the humor you saw in everything. That may just be the best gift you ever gave me.
I hope you all had a great Mothers Day! QUEEN.....OUT
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
- Not too much exciting has happened around here since my last post.
- No falls, accidents and most importantly no one I know has dropped dead in a few days
- I went to a great meeting tonight, well they are ALL great really.
- My cousins wife was there and I love her to pieces.
- My drunks and I had a meeting, in the rain before the meeting in the parking lot
- We also had one after for about an hour-GOOD TIMES-still raining-we didn't care.
- I got to go to dinner with my sister tonight, we laughed and laughed and laughed some more
- She needs to move in with me so we can do that more often and more importantly she actually likes to clean house and I despise it. HA!
- We are planning a family reunion for this summer, I cannot wait.
- I have a few new followers, thanks for all the love and comments.
- I love my followers and my fellow bloggers
- I read you all daily and enjoy the experience, strength and hope you all share.
- I am happy that I am on this new path-this new journey-into a clean and sober life. I like me now and I would never have that without AA.
- I was told to stick around until the miracle happened and I'm glad I finally listened.
Until next time QUEEN.....OUT
Friday, May 1, 2009
So anyway, I do my thing in the yard and I call it a day and wake up the next morning. I get ready, make my iced coffee and begin to head out to work. I have my hands full-coffee, wallet, lit cigarette. I open my back door and without looking down I take that first step out the door and my foot lands in something unfamiliar (NOT the stoop) and I FLY down the rest of the stairs. In mid "flight" I remember thinking "oh, this is NOT gonna end up good." I had NO idea what the hell I stepped in, but it was now stuck on my foot like a damn shoe. I don't know how I managed to do this, but I actually landed ON MY FEET! HA! Somehow I managed to stay on my feet and I was not harmed. (yea, you can all rest easy now) I was laughing my ass off at myself-it was the most FUN I have had in a long time. I ended up having to change my clothes because I was now WEARING my iced coffee from my chest all the way down to the inside of my shoes. In case you're wondering I had stepped into a metal bucket, like the ones you see in the summer that have citronella in them. I use it for a butt can outside and I had moved it up off the ground during my "gardening" the day before.
On a sad note, another one of my sober friends has passed on. He was in his fifties and apparently died of a heart attack a few days ago. In the past (like when I was active) I fell down LOTS of stairs. Hell, I did a back flip off a deck one time and broke my fucking neck. I should have been dead a looooong time ago, but God had other plans for me. Everything happens in His time and He has been calling a lot of people I love home lately. I thank him for everything He gives me, the good and the bad. Every time He takes a loved one, He reminds me that we really DO only have today and I am going to make the most of that 24 hour gift. Even if it does begin with me falling out my back door. He was looking out for me, and for that I am grateful. Rest in Peace Chris, save me a seat at that big meeting in the sky my friend.