My meeting tonight

So I haven't written in a while, sorta been busy and bummin about the death of my sponsee. I know it will get better-but it still sucks.

So I went to a meeting tonight. The minute I walked in I wanted to just turn around and leave. I know it's supposed to be principles before personalities but gimme a goddamn break. I get there early and who is the first face I see-Mr Jackass himself. Now if anyone told me that telling off this asshole would make him not speak to me I would have done it A LONG TIME AGO! haha. So yea, he's not speaking to me which is OK fine with this drunk. I am sick of his antics scaring away newcomers and regulars alike. Then there's this other young lady who drives me crazy, who even drives Mr Jackass nuts. She is just soooooo loud and needy. I guess we all have our issues but daaaaaammmm. I was saved by a good friend who finally showed up and then it was fine after that.

After the meeting I give my friend Kerry a ride home. He is such a sweet man. He got sober before me and we have been friends in sobriety since I came in to AA. When I first came in I connected with a lot of males with lots of sobriety. AA says boys with boys and girls with girls but it was not like that for me. I found myself involved with two different groups here in town and most of the members were men. Three of them have passed away, which is incredibly sad, BUT I am so grateful to have met all of them and was able to have learned quite a bit from them while they were well and going to meetings. ALL of them went to meetings until their health prevented it. They all died sober! I admire all of them and am so grateful for what they have taught me about recovery.

So I wanted to check in and I will write more soon.....To all my sober readers-keep up the good work! Meetings, meetings, meetings people. And lots of praying. To anyone struggling-just keep it simple and be strong-that miracle will happen if you want it to.

Damn, that felt GOOD

I put a belligerent, self-absorbed, asinine jackass in his place tonight and IT FELT GOOD! Well it feels good at the moment anyway. I'm sure I will be making amends tomorrow, but for now I am enjoying. I went to my regular Tue. night meeting tonight. Awesome meeting. Great speaker. Good topic discussion after the speaker. A good friend was presented with her ONE YEAR medallion!!! WTG Val! So anyway, real good night. THEN we have our business meeting. At our business meeting, Mr. Jackass keeps interrupting (oh, just like he usually does DURING our regular meeting) because he wants to bring something up and like a child he just CAN'T wait until the secretary is ready to hear it. So I say Val let Mr. Jackass (I didn't say that at the meeting lol) speak cause its killing him, and he says (loud and obnoxiously) "Never mind, I don't want to even bring it up anymore, forget it". So I say "Oh, come on don't do this again Mr. Jackass-just tell the group what you wanted." He declines acting like a friggin child and I told him he was once again acing like a 2 old and to knock it off. He did NOT like hearing the truth. I finally said out loud what everyone in the room has been wanting to say for a very long time. Mind you, he did this last month at our business meeting-practically stomping his feet and sticking out his tongue at us on the way out. It was worse last month and the next day a newcomer (my sponsee) and 2 more regulars told me they weren't coming back to this particular meeting because of Mr. Jackass. After he stormed out, other group members were thanking me for saying what they have been wanting to say for a very long time.

I could write a book about this guy - but I won't. I know we are a sick bunch. Booze is but a symptom of our disease. Just because we put down the bottle does NOT mean all is well! As they say, some are sicker than others. How true, I know because I am including myself in the sicker than others category! I, however do realize this and receive counseling and an anti-depressant to help me with those issues. All I can do is pray that he gets well. And I shall.

My Gratitude list for today:

• I love my Tuesday night beach house meeting.
• I gave up my coffee commitment to another, but I DO miss it-it will be OK
• I was able to ENJOY my meeting without worrying about what was going on with the coffee pot
• I have great friends in recovery
• Our speaker tonight has been through hell and back and never had to drink over any of it-He is truly an inspiration
• I am grateful for Mr Jackass, because when he is being just a regular guy, he is very kind to my son-taking him to baseball games and movies.
• I have a great job, definitely a blessing in these hard times.
• I have an awesome family-even the ones who ignore me now that they think they might catch the "sober cooties" from me and choose to stay as far away from me as possible.
• I am grateful that even though it felt good tonight, I must make amends to my fellow alcoholic for acting out-I probably could have handled it better. I am thankful that I know when I am wrong and I can promptly admit it.
• I am grateful for my new blogger buddies/friends. You all rock, just so ya know!