tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48633600272074458522024-02-19T11:45:19.429-05:00Queens WorldA peek into the life of a grateful recovering alcoholic. The trials and tribulations of every day live, motherhood, and other random shit. Welcome and enjoy your stay!Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.comBlogger135125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-6766348071205247992012-05-16T05:38:00.000-04:002012-05-16T05:38:03.791-04:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Here I sit 5am not able to sleep, so I clicked on blogger after playing so many facebook games I can't see straight. It's been too long since I last posted(Aug 2011!). Where oh where shall I start to catch you all up?<br />
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On my last post I indicated there was a <strong><a href="http://queenneeneesworld.blogspot.com/2011/08/we-will-be-ok.html" target="_blank">serious</a></strong> problem with my dear Prince. Well 2 inpatient hospital stays, a few outpatient programs and add a midyear change in high schools for my sweet boy and he isn't really doing too much better than he was in August. In case you need to be reminded he has been diagnosed with MDD (major depression disorder) <strong> MAJOR</strong>. All he wants to do is die. He has not <strong>ATTEMPTED</strong> to take his own life. Thank you <strong>GOD</strong>. But he is still in that awful dark place that we can't seem to reach with medication. He has been on some sort of med or another since around the 3rd or fourth grade (he is now 16 and in the 11th grade). At our last med appt. I told the doctor I want to see what the person<strong><span style="color: blue;"><em> <span style="color: #ffd966;">under</span></em></span></strong><span style="color: #ffd966;"> </span>all that fucking medication is like. <strong><em>MAYBE</em></strong> he is going to be ok without <strong>ANY</strong> medication. What a concept, huh? So he is being weaned off of one med at a time and we will see how that goes. So far so good. He is old enough and aware of how the medication is supposed to work, so he has promised mom that he will let me know of any issues. <br />
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Having a child as sick as he is, has had its toll on your Queen. Just a few weeks ago, I too had to go to the doc and tell her how miserable I was feeling. She put me on Abilify and oh my fricken <strong>GOD</strong> what a diference. I know my limits and I know damn well I must have <strong>MY</strong> happy pills as I call them. It's actually just an antidepressant and now the Abilify. I went from isolation and oversleeping and getting suspended at my job to ants in my damn pants in about a week and a half. <strong>HOLY SHIT</strong>. Not to worry, this is a good thing. I have cleaned up the house, started my spring gardening and been up and off to work on time ever since it kicked in. I love my Abilify! <br />
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There has been lots of other stuff going on but I need to get my boy up for school, so I will try to post more often and catch you people up. Cause I know you've all been holding your breath since you last heard from Queenie. (<strong><u><em>Oh, most importantly I have remained SOBER</em></u></strong>)<br />
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So please DO comment, and let me know you're still out there----<strong><em>HELLLOOOOO</em></strong>-where y'all at? And wish me a Happy Birthday while you're at it. <br />
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Queen.........OUT<br />Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-50732085689785912472011-08-21T08:22:00.000-04:002011-08-21T08:22:53.725-04:00WE WILL be ok<div><div>Here I sit, first thing on a damn Sunday morning-first one in AGES that I have not had to work and I am AWAKE. What the hell! I took a few mental health days, MUCH needed ones indeed. </div><div></div><div>I was planning on taking a small trip. We haven't really been anywhere since I went and bought my home last year. It was time to get away. BUT, it was not to be. You see I have a beautiful 15 year old son who informed me that he didn't want to go. "Just leave me 200 bucks, and I'll eat out every night." Ya, mama doesn't think so. </div><div></div><div>My son is suffering. He is so severly depressed, like I have never seen him before. The last few weeks have been hell. He is posting suicidal thoughts on his Facebook account. He tells me every day that he wants to kill himself. I told his therapist all of this and they came this close >.< to hospitalizing him. </div><div></div><div>He has been depressed for years. Doesn't help that he is basically screaming out for help on his facebook page and no one on his bio dads (POS) side is being the least bit supportive. As in NO RESPONSE from them at all. No phone calls, nothing. I think that is what he wants. No, I KNOW thats what he wants. His father ignores his mental illness, his sister (POS's Daughter) does too. He loves these people (yea, I don't get it either) and they just simply do not care. </div><div></div><div>All I can do is support him, love him and pray to God that he gets some relief from this GODDAMMED depression soon. </div><div></div><div>Oh and I am still sober, otherwise how would I be able to care for my baby? That might just be the biggest gift of my sobriety-the ability to be a real mom who is present for my boy. </div><div></div><div>QUEEN..........OUT </div></div><br />
Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-40005123412937640122010-09-22T00:31:00.002-04:002010-09-22T00:40:50.320-04:00I have missed you allWell, well, well....I see you have all been able to go on just fine without yer Queen for a few months. I though for SURE that everything would come to a screeching halt since I haven't been around! HA, I kid of course. Nothing is all about me anymore. Hasn't been for quite some time now. <br /><br />So I will have to look around later and see what your all up to, hopefully its NOT no good! <br /><br />I have been settling in nicely in my new castle. I actually LOVE coming home now! I used to dread it, loathe it. Now I look forward to coming home and dreaming of what I want and need to do to this house to make it my own, truly mine. I have lots of ideas, but I am going to take it one day at a time-just like my recovery. This is one of the many gifts I have received since beginning my journey in recovery. I am blessed, blessed BLESSED!!! <br /><br />I will try to check in more often, I missed each and every one of you! <br /><br />QUEEN........OUTQueenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-54374949907963857642010-06-02T21:20:00.003-04:002010-06-02T21:45:31.150-04:00THRILLED is putting it mildly<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwaFfe5yfBOG1KaySfA733cYAjpbUSxYCMjem-bdm0vrsIE70gpauI6d4WEfXh-PVD25Su8wSvILM-KYW1Ei-GWHHYJsHjqT4RrKdBvxKco2yQ46SrCWKXcxcSKnJXvfO_PVMOpvYvsZo/s1600/20Military+Hwy1.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 156px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5478351726425436226" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwaFfe5yfBOG1KaySfA733cYAjpbUSxYCMjem-bdm0vrsIE70gpauI6d4WEfXh-PVD25Su8wSvILM-KYW1Ei-GWHHYJsHjqT4RrKdBvxKco2yQ46SrCWKXcxcSKnJXvfO_PVMOpvYvsZo/s200/20Military+Hwy1.jpg" /></a> I have had quite a busy 2 months. I didn't even get a chance to check in with any of you except a peek here and there. I miss you and hope to catch up real soon. I have a good excuse, I was busy BUYING MY FIRST HOME!!! <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">YAY</span>!! Hence the title. I am extremely thrilled to have been blessed with this beautiful home. Even more thrilling is that Prince absolutely LOVES HIS NEW HOME!!! Now if you have been reading me you know my son suffers from depression and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">BP</span> disorder and he does not like ANYTHING. I overheard him say to his uncle that he LOVES it when asked how he likes it here. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">OMG</span>, that alone makes it all so much more special. I think this is a good step in helping him through his difficulties. He despised our last house as it was kind of a DUMP with a SLUMLORD that we didn't care for. I think the memories of the battles he witnessed between myself and his father made him hate it even more. I left that house for the last time today and let me tell you it was a relief to pull out of that driveway for the VERY LAST TIME.<br /><div>I closed and we moved in this past Friday, which was also the 13<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">th</span> anniversary of my mothers passing. I looked at that as a good omen, as if my mom was shining down on me and letting me know she was there and was proud of my accomplishments. I truly do feel that. Its WEIRD that every aspect of buying this home and everything since has been PERFECT. Not a single glitch. No broken furniture, no parting bad words from the SLUMLORD (he wished me luck in my new home!). By the time the ink was dry on the contract, my sister and sister in law had ALL OF MY STUFF moved in! As in truck was EMPTY and my <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">sun porch</span> and living room were setup and most boxes unpacked(those girls were PHENOMENAL!) I had two women and 2 teenagers move my whole house and it worked out <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">perfectly</span>. It has just been one good thing after another and I AM NOT USED TO THAT!! Where, oh where, has my SHIT FAIRY gone? I certainly don't miss that bitch. </div><div>QUEEN.......OUT</div>Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-47265882199114817492010-04-06T08:24:00.005-04:002010-04-06T08:35:24.362-04:00Greg-sweet Greg<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBH95y7GWC7P7BLgHVKVPBAQc07REkd57pG-C_nhZuONeE626KO2t332a0ai-zCpxxw3i8dTuRp7trVb5bAZDDdT6N3RwoyfSa47GdRv_IYYKYG7MCru6sDFQj7pqV0LKjXR_CvlmPUq4/s1600/greg.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 124px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 160px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5457000173954289042" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBH95y7GWC7P7BLgHVKVPBAQc07REkd57pG-C_nhZuONeE626KO2t332a0ai-zCpxxw3i8dTuRp7trVb5bAZDDdT6N3RwoyfSa47GdRv_IYYKYG7MCru6sDFQj7pqV0LKjXR_CvlmPUq4/s200/greg.jpg" /></a><br />This handsome young man is my cousin Greg. He was heinously taken from this world and his family almost four years age by a person so small and insignificant that I won't even mention his name here. The trial for taking Greg and his step brother Derek begins today. Please pray for Greg and Derek's families-that the outcome of the trial will be just punishment for this most unnecessary crime and that the families of both of these young men can begin to heal.<br /><br />With that, I'm off to court to support my family during this diffucult time. <br /><br />Thanks in advance for your prayers. <br /><br />QUEEN...........OUTQueenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-133108708962062882010-04-04T23:04:00.009-04:002010-04-04T23:47:56.744-04:00Soon I will have my very own castle<a href="http://www.mywtours.com/images/e05.JPG"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 250px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 250px; CURSOR: hand" border="0" alt="" src="http://www.mywtours.com/images/e05.JPG" /></a><br /><div>Happy Easter folks!! It's been over a month since I had a chance to post last and I have missed <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">youse</span> guys! I'm still a sober Queen, loving every minute of every day lately. </div><br /><div>I must say if I check in and see ANOTHER one of you <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">bloggers</span> closing up shop I am gonna <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">hafta</span> slap a bitch. Knock it off, and I mean now! YOU ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE! Yes <a href="http://auntannisgnarly.blogspot.com/2010/04/closing-down.html">YOU</a>. and <a href="http://brokenheartedmom.blogspot.com/2010/03/ill-miss-you.html">YOU </a>and <a href="http://sobriety-is-exhausting.blogspot.com/">YOU</a>. </div><br /><div>I have been spending all of my spare time lately online, hunting for a home. I am like a madwoman. I will find the house of my dreams, in fact I may have found it already. Just waiting to hear from my real estate guy.<br /><br />I have never owned a home. I have always been self-sufficient, kept up on my bills (MOST of the time!) and just could never get out of debt. Even during my <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">drinken</span> days, I still managed to pay bills-but could never get ahead enough to actually buy anything. I was scared to take that big step. I was also stuck with a <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">POS</span> all those years and never wanted him in my home. So I have recently found myself in a good position financially to be able to finally move outta the GHETTO house I have been renting for about 12 years. I have worked very hard to get to this point and I am so very grateful for AA and the support and love of my sober friends. I guess it's true-"they will materialize, if we work for them." I LOVE THAT! Here are the Twelve Promises of AA. A whole bunch of them have materialized for me-because I WORKED FOR THEM!~Enjoy~</div><br /><div></div><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://www.winternet.com/~terrym/25_aca5.gif"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 393px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 455px; CURSOR: hand" border="0" alt="" src="http://www.winternet.com/~terrym/25_aca5.gif" /></a>Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-92027249079449252682010-03-09T22:15:00.003-05:002010-03-09T22:23:45.836-05:00I'm feeling so gratefulToday I am so grateful for<br /><br /><ul><li>a loving God who helped me stay away from that first drink today.</li><li>a great home group! I LOVE my recovering friends so.</li><li>a new contract at work guarantees me another three years with a great job/great benefits etc. Thank God!</li><li>a capable vehicle which I used to pick up two of my drunks to go to tonights meeting.</li><li>the ability to be able to help others.</li><li>the laughter and the sorrow shared at our meeting tonight. </li><li>the reminder that its not all peaches and cream in recovery. </li><li>ALL of YOU.</li></ul><p>SWEET DREAMS to you all......QUEEN OUT</p>Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-23561803056693789052010-03-02T22:40:00.003-05:002010-03-02T23:04:42.579-05:00It's been too longSo I have been away from blogging for about a month, the longest I have been away since I started. I haven't even been reading blogs really. I feel terrible about this and promise to do better. <br />I just got off the phone with my niece. She has been calling and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">texting</span> me relentlessly for about a week and I have pretty much ignored her. Why? Cause she's a pain in my ass. Two years ago she angrily told me she didn't want anything to do with me, along with a lot of other hurtful things and I have kept my distance. I have stayed away, just like she asked. Now she's blowing up my phone. What the hell. When I called her tonight she reluctantly told me that she has been addicted to the pain <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">meds</span> she was getting from the car accident she was in just before she disowned me. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">OY</span>. She has been off of them for 4 days now and she just wanted to talk to someone who would understand. I told her to keep doing whatever it is she's doing and to pray A LOT. I told her I would get her started on meetings. I told her I loved her and would help her. She has an appointment with a mental health clinic tomorrow and I advised her to be HONEST with them. Her mother, my sister, died from a methadone overdose in 2000. Anyone who doesn't believe that this is a family disease is full of shit. <br />In other news-My son is doing FABULOUS in school and at home. I am so proud of him and all he has overcome. But I can't tell him that because he doesn't think he is doing as well as he is. The self-esteem (or lack of) is still a huge issue, but little by slow he is getting better. We take that one day at a time also. <br />Sister is no longer living here with us. She just stopped coming here. After a few days I assumed she was staying at her house. That was about a month ago. I guess shes not coming back. She has not come to visit, nor has she moved her things out of my house. Nor have we talked about why she left. She has told me she missed her son and had to go home. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">That's</span> all I know about that. I know when I was in her shoes I felt like CRAP having to let <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">POS</span> back into my life more than once. I was actually ASHAMED of myself, but I had to do it at the time to get my son off to school at the time. When Prince was finally old enough I kicked that trash out for good and got sober. So we'll see what the next chapter brings in her life. I wish nothing but the best for her. <br />So I picked up a few more commitments in my meetings. I am treasurer of one, secretary of another and I am leading one also. I need to keep busy and involved. <br />I am going to try to catch up on what y'all have been up to now. Have a blessed night people. QUEEN.......OUTQueenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-53606616061233601762010-02-07T18:34:00.005-05:002010-02-07T18:54:26.131-05:00RANT......<a href="http://s.bebo.com/app-image/6542477397/6530220101/PROFILE/i.idlestudios.com/img/q/u/08/04/25/donkey_dick_1_.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 355px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 249px; CURSOR: hand" border="0" alt="" src="http://s.bebo.com/app-image/6542477397/6530220101/PROFILE/i.idlestudios.com/img/q/u/08/04/25/donkey_dick_1_.jpg" /></a><br /><div>Happy Superbowl Sunday!!<br /><br />I am getting ready to go to a meeting and the Superbowl just began. This means I have to leave my boy to watch the game on his own. And it kinda sucks. Why you say? Because he has many male relatives, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">never mind</span> a <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">POS</span> father who are watching the game with other family and friends and no one thought to include him in their plans. Sometimes people - including (or ESPECIALLY) family just<em><span style="font-family:georgia;"> <span style="font-size:180%;color:#33ff33;"><strong>SUCK BIG DONKEY DICK</strong></span></span></em>.<br /><br />My brothers (Princes UNCLES) all get together every year and there are <strong><em>NO CHILDREN</em></strong> allowed. To this I say <span style="font-family:georgia;font-size:180%;color:#33ff33;"><em><strong>GROW THE FUCK UP</strong></em></span> you <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">buncha</span> losers. My son and my nephew are both 14 now and it's not like they gotta get up from the game and change a fucking diaper or feed them for fuck sake.<br /><br />His <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">POS</span> father is another story. I don't really want Prince over there anyway, but if he could somehow get over himself and think about this kid every now and then - oh yea-I forgot-that's NEVER going to happen. What the hell was I <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">thinkin</span>? I DID speak to the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">POS</span> the other day and he needs heart surgery. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Courtesy</span> of the taxpayers of the State of Connecticut since he is still sucking off the state for unemployment and medical insurance. I still have to obtain his <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">meds</span> from<strong> <span style="font-size:130%;">CANADA</span></strong> because <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">POS</span> made sure he had <strong><span style="font-size:130%;">HIMSELF</span></strong> covered-but now Prince. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ok</span>, I'm done now. Can you tell<strong> <em>I NEED A MEETING?</em></strong> </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Sorry, but I just do not take kindly to ANYONE dissing my child. </div><div> </div><div>QUEEN.......OUT</div>Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-23378821721354159692010-01-29T19:52:00.003-05:002010-01-29T20:04:06.128-05:00The PayoffI'm finally starting to see all of my hard work and sleepless nights are paying off. I just went into my son's room to remind him to take his <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">meds</span> tonight and what happened next is what I'm talking about. He said "OK Mom" and as I went to close the door he called out to me. I opened the door as he was turning off the video game and he said "I love you". I said "I love you too buddy, is everything OK?" to which he replied "I don't think I tell you enough, and you know-you're not gonna be around forever!" <span style="font-size:130%;"><em><strong>HOW SWEET IS THAT????</strong></em> O</<></span>, My GOD! I love that boy with my whole heart and try to raise him to be a kind, loving, compassionate, and productive person and I think he gets it.
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<br /><span style="font-size:130%;"></span>I just had to share this tender moment between my son and I with you. He just made this mommas day!!! God is good, and sobriety ROCKS my friends!
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<br />Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-87160429548819964422010-01-12T22:16:00.005-05:002010-01-12T23:04:20.413-05:00Catching up Time<a href="http://www.talhamlawoffice.com/images/atttitude1.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 388px; CURSOR: hand" border="0" alt="" src="http://www.talhamlawoffice.com/images/atttitude1.jpg" /></a><br /><div>Here's the low down on the Queen:<br /><br />I'm still sober as a newborn baby. YAY.<br /><br />I temporarily fell into a sort of funk for the last few weeks, but I am slowly digging myself out.<br /><br />I did not have to drink over it. Double YAY.<br /><br />It's so damn cold here and it's dark at like 5pm. I am sooooo done with winter this year. The snow needs to go the fuck away too.<br /><br />I even started to slack off on my meetings, and all I could think of was how everyone who was lucky enough to make it back from a relapse say that it all started when the STOPPED going to meetings.<br /><br />That was enough to scare me into gettin off my dead ass and going again.<br /><br />I'm so glad I went to a meeting tonight. There was a newcomer there with barely one day of sobriety. She was shakin and quakin and it just reminds me of where I was and why I need to be there. It's not ALL about me, its about helping other sick and suffering drunks.<br /><br />I picked up a treasurers commitment at one of my meetings. I have never held this position and I think its going to be good. Hell I manage a whole store's funds, AA can't be too bad.....or CAN it!?!?<br /><br />I haven't been motivated enough to take my damn tree down yet. Maybe I will leave it up and decorate it according to the holiday du mois. Like this month I can decorate it with presidents, next month hearts for Valentines. ETC.<br /><br />OK, whats up with the Japanese comments? I googled and translated what that assbag is commenting and it isn't pretty.<br /><br />Hey at least he/she/it is reading recovery blogs. Maybe something good will rub off.<br /><br />I appreciate some of you calling me out and asking where the hell I've been. All is good. I swear. I love you guys, I really do.<br /><br />Well I need to go get my read on and catch up with y'all. Have yourselves a grand old evening-I know I will. QUEEN.....OUT<br /><br /><br /><br /></div>Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-61213418630928584142009-12-24T21:47:00.004-05:002009-12-24T22:00:51.039-05:00I'm Tellin'<a href="http://gaetan.chapoteau.com/downloads/comics/secrets.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 406px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 191px; CURSOR: hand" border="0" alt="" src="http://gaetan.chapoteau.com/downloads/comics/secrets.jpg" /></a><br /><div>On myself that is. I am feeling down in the dumps. I am NOT feeling like drinking, but I am on the verge of tears. This is a common occurrence around Christmas. I know I will get over it. But it still sucks big donkey dick. I lost my dad on December 19th in 1991 and I think that's when it began. I miss the hell out of him. Christmas was non-existent for me until Prince was born in 1997. Now I do it because I HAVE to for him. I put on a happy mommy face for him, but its not how I feel inside. I need to be up for a bit to set up some gifts and do the stocking and then I am going nitey nite and I hope I have some sweet dreams cause I shore could a good one right about now. THERE, now that I dumped that out into the blogosphere I should be good now, right?<br /><br />Merry Christmas to all.....Queen.....OUT </div>Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-25121429829042566332009-12-21T10:32:00.007-05:002009-12-21T10:52:03.910-05:00Ho Ho Ho we got a LOT of Snow~~~<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjukeqp-V-c18i9c7JQY5fLXtxtwe2KhR55akG_xOQrZLJlF48IaCjqgiSUs_2uKCR5BIFgqXOwFPe1IVmn7-R4h579ThrGQMhaP4dBEIhSC9WUwlTLyyT_aY844zJ4H-1KpGaGyVt8l60/s1600-h/jonathonsnow2009.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5417713243367806946" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjukeqp-V-c18i9c7JQY5fLXtxtwe2KhR55akG_xOQrZLJlF48IaCjqgiSUs_2uKCR5BIFgqXOwFPe1IVmn7-R4h579ThrGQMhaP4dBEIhSC9WUwlTLyyT_aY844zJ4H-1KpGaGyVt8l60/s320/jonathonsnow2009.jpg" /></a> This is the joy on my son's face that I know is in there somewhere. It emerged when he and his cousin (my son from anutha mutha) buried him in the foot and a half of snow we got over the weekend. Oh how I wish I could see this more often.<br /><p align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA_wjaL73adhfLTVRjt64yYDEf6R_pLGft9aKJcRICtm4ZH9tnHsc5gBD1BYEQ3fn-tTddmxTZatWcLvQZsZPR_AEzriW6XY4CiJKnOdgSc12SSrNIuhBaT3LkhD3RAO5WLVoU4e4m96k/s1600-h/jonathonsnow22009.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 359px; HEIGHT: 225px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5417716358740264562" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiA_wjaL73adhfLTVRjt64yYDEf6R_pLGft9aKJcRICtm4ZH9tnHsc5gBD1BYEQ3fn-tTddmxTZatWcLvQZsZPR_AEzriW6XY4CiJKnOdgSc12SSrNIuhBaT3LkhD3RAO5WLVoU4e4m96k/s200/jonathonsnow22009.jpg" /></a></p><br />They had LOTS of fun in the blizzard, so much so that they *forgot* that I had asked them to shovel my very long driveway while I was at work. Bastids. I said thats OK boys, now the UPS guy will look at our driveway and keep on moving. They will not want to, nor do they have to-navigate my unshoveled driveway to deliver THEIR final Christmas gifts. Save me some money.<br /><br />I have been working, shopping, facebooking, and oh did I mention shopping? I think I bought myself more than anyone else. I got an electric blankie to keep me warm and some memory foam pillows to cuddle up with that will have to suffice since Queenie is still solo and see no change in that situation any time soon. I am SOOOO OK with that. I love being on my own. No one to answer to, no bullshit. AH, this is the life! And I am sober as a newborn baby-what more can a girl ask for?<br /><br />Y'all have a nice day! QUEEN......OUTQueenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-74526251440238400402009-12-04T04:00:00.006-05:002009-12-04T05:26:34.759-05:00The Promises and SHOPPING!<a href="http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/mfl/lowres/mfln472l.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 219px; CURSOR: hand" border="0" alt="" src="http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/mfl/lowres/mfln472l.jpg" /></a><br />Your Queen has a problem. <strong><em>Well maybe its not exactly a PROBLEM</em></strong>. You decide. This is what my kitchen table currently looks like.<br /><br /><div><p align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8zoTnvnxCDQEgZgH658JmZp2cOInAKNvCHAN70ybF_R2BcCZO806bwdoflM_cx3TxENdeKKlsAAFeQaeNfkIsdIB1ouhFi1nOLHFBCW79du8F0yyTvon-s8FiqAF7vvggBu-F4wou1U4/s1600-h/warehouse.jpg"><img style="WIDTH: 369px; HEIGHT: 236px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411313482992100914" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8zoTnvnxCDQEgZgH658JmZp2cOInAKNvCHAN70ybF_R2BcCZO806bwdoflM_cx3TxENdeKKlsAAFeQaeNfkIsdIB1ouhFi1nOLHFBCW79du8F0yyTvon-s8FiqAF7vvggBu-F4wou1U4/s320/warehouse.jpg" /></a></p><p align="left">Yes folks, there IS indeed a table under all of those boxes. It's a mini version of the Amazon.com warehouse. This is what you get when you take the bottle away from THIS alcoholic and give her a credit card. And this is not all of it. Some stuff is back ordered, damn them. I'm shopping like it's my JOB. Well it kind of is this week as I am on vacation. Me and the sis are going out to do some REAL shopping in the morning. <em>As in going to the ACTUAL store and dealing with ACTUAL</em> <em>people</em>. Should be a hoot.</p><p align="left">As if this wasn't enough-I hit up Verizon yesterday and got me and the kid Blackberry's. I'm on fire I say, on FIRE! I now know why Paris the douche bag Hilton never leaves home without it. What FUN!</p><p align="left">You see now that I'm not all boozed up all the damn time and I actually <span style="color:#ffff33;"><strong><em>GO TO WORK everyday</em></strong></span>, I have a few bucks to spare. It's one of those Promises that AA is always telling us about. Here they are for those of you who may not know about them:</p><br /><p align="center"><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ff99ff;"><strong>The AA Promises</strong></span></p><p align="left"><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#cc66cc;">If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.</span></strong></p><p align="left"><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#cc66cc;">We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.</span></strong></p><p align="left"><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#cc66cc;">We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it.</span></strong></p><p align="left"><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#cc66cc;">We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.</span></strong></p><p align="left"><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#cc66cc;">No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.</span></strong></p><p align="left"><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#cc66cc;">That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.</span></strong></p><p align="left"><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#cc66cc;">We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.</span></strong></p><p align="left"><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#cc66cc;">Self-seeking will slip away.</span></strong></p><p align="left"><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#cc66cc;">Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.</span></strong></p><p align="left"><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#cc66cc;">Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.</span></strong></p><p align="left"><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#cc66cc;">We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.</span></strong></p><p align="left"><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#cc66cc;">We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. </span></strong></p><p align="left"><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#cc66cc;">ARE THESE EXTRAVAGANT PROMISES? We think NOT.</span></strong></p><p align="left"><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#cc66cc;">They are being fulfilled among us-sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.</span></strong></p><p align="left"><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;color:#cc66cc;">They will always materialize if we work for them.</span></strong></p><p align="left">Alcoholics Anonymous pg.83-84</p><br /><p align="left">Side note: I just typed out those promises-which is not a big deal-BUT why the hell can't I copy and paste in blogger anymore? <strong><em>ANYONE? </em></strong></p><p align="left">So anyhow---A bunch of these are definately ringing true in Queens life lately and it's just amazing. <strong><em><span style="color:#ffff33;">AMAZING. </span></em></strong></p>Queen....OUT....(Shopping)<br /></div>Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-11412830164953569152009-12-01T07:30:00.005-05:002009-12-21T10:32:49.443-05:00Update/This and That~<div>I haven't been around here too much. I have been thinking about you all and will catch up on your blogs today as I am on VACATION from work. YAY.<br /><br />Sister is still here, she will be here until whenever. She is welcome to stay forever. She is doing OK despite the fact that she is being labeled the "bad guy" in her children's eyes for "leaving their dad". Yeah, OK.?! They just don't understand the reason(s) why she HAD to leave their daddy. I try to talk to them if they bring it up and they are stuck on "Daddy this, and daddy is that" and that's OK for now. She is safe and someday they will understand.<br /><br />Prince is doing really well in school. The first report cards should be here this week and I shall see how well he is really doing. He gets up in the morning with no hassles, gets off to school EVERY DAY-without begging to stay home. I get no phone call or emails complaining about his behavior. He does his homework when I ask him. This is a 180 turn from last year and I am damned proud of him. He starts his culinary shop today for the next 4 days. YES culinary. He picked culinary, auto body and IT as his 3 shops that he wants to explore before picking a trade that he will study for the next 4 years. Damn proud I am.<br /><br />Thanksgiving went well. I cooked my royal ass off and it turned out great. My momma taught me well. It was family and friends here, with no alcohol and no brawls. Imagine that.<br /><br />Uncle Drunkle showed up on Turkey Day. He was sober as a newborn baby. And has been since his <a href="http://queenneeneesworld.blogspot.com/2009/09/family-disease.html">accident and hospitalization</a>. I think God gave that ladder a "nudge" and brought him back to us.<br /><br />My cousin Glen is finally awake! He is still critical but is awake and has been hospitalized with H1N1 since the beginning of November! He missed his 40Th birthday and Thanksgiving while in his swine flu coma. I truly thank you all for your prayers and kind words during this most difficult time. The prayers are working. God is so good.<br /><br />I have been a shopping fool. FOOL I SAY! I ended up staying home on Black Friday. Missed my opportunity to make an ass of myself and beat up a bitch for a Zhu Zhu pet at my local Toys R Us. Oh YEA. That's the OLD Queen. See how easy it is to revert back to my craziness. At least I can see that now. I did do a LOT of online BF shopping though. I will be getting packages all week.<br /><br />I need to clean this dump up so I can put up a damn tree and get through this "holiday" season. I pretty much do it for Prince. If not for him I would SOOOOO not bother with all that BS.<br /><br />So yea, that's it for now. I need to get my ass to the bank before my Holiday/BF purchases bounce all the way back to the retailers who thought I actually had that kind of money to blow.<br /><br />Oh-and I did all of this SOBER! QUEEN.........OUT </div>Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-56481884952354392962009-11-18T17:07:00.006-05:002009-11-18T18:18:18.454-05:00Why I "Keep Coming"<a href="http://recoverygraphics.com/albums/fellowships_1/normal_AA_pg_25_But_for_the_Grace_of_God_Final_by_SG.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 333px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 500px; CURSOR: hand" border="0" alt="" src="http://recoverygraphics.com/albums/fellowships_1/normal_AA_pg_25_But_for_the_Grace_of_God_Final_by_SG.jpg" /></a><br /><div>Hello friends and cyber family-<br /><br />I just got off the phone with a young woman from my home group. She was absent from our meeting last night. She relapsed and her boyfriend asked me at the meeting last night to please call her.<br /><br /><em><strong><span style="font-size:130%;color:#33cc00;">HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I *DISLIKE* THIS DISEASE?</span></strong></em><br /><br />To back up a bit, I celebrated 4 years of continuous sobriety yesterday. I went to my regular *best damn meeting in Connecticut* meeting last night. We do a medallion ceremony every week and they did a very special one for me. I was truly touched. But before they got to me they gave out newcomer, 1-2-3-6-9 month, and 1 year chips. There were three female newcomers that got up and got chips. I love it when I see the newbies coming in, but especially the ladies. Ladies that I can reach my hand out to and offer them help. The same help that was offered to me when I came in shakin and quakin, spittin and sputtering. If not for those people, I would not have stuck around and I certainly wouldn't be celebrating anything today. I'd be drunk or dead. Fo Sho!<br /><br />I went out at break time and this is when my friend approached me about calling his GF who was <em><strong><span style="color:#33cc00;">supposed</span></strong></em> to give me my chip last night! She was home drinking and trying to leave her home to get more booze. My heart sank. NOOOO!! He took her car to the meeting so she could not drive. He's a great guy with 14 years sober, but even he cannot keep her from a drink. If you are a drunk and you're not ready to stop-there's not much anyone can really do for you. It's all about acceptance and surrender and until I miraculously found it one day four years ago, I could not stop either.<br /><strong><em><span style="font-size:130%;"></span></em></strong><br />So anyway I called her and she is hitting a meeting that meets 2 doors down from my castle and I will meet her there tonight. She is embarrassed, remorseful, and full of guilt. She wants to jump right back in and I will be there for her. I let her know she was missed last night and that she is loved. I reminded her of what could happen. I asked her if she remembers Jen, our fellow newbie and now dead member. She was my first official sponsee and as hard as I tried to help her, she succumbed to this disease-<em><strong>34 days after we met</strong></em>. Thirty four days after she returned to AA. You can read about her <a href="http://queenneeneesworld.blogspot.com/2008/12/sometimes-being-right-just-sucks.html">here</a>, <a href="http://queenneeneesworld.blogspot.com/2008/12/sometimes-being-right-just-sucks.html">here </a>and<a href="http://queenneeneesworld.blogspot.com/2008/12/sometimes-being-right-just-sucks.html"> here</a>. <------ I am feeling all linky as you can see. But I need to remember my time with her and know that this can easily be ME if I choose to drink again. I still believe that my Higher Power brought Jen to me so I could love her for the last few weeks of her life. So she could have a friend to hold her hand while she suffered, to let her know there WAS hope. But it was not to be and she was called home. To that big meeting in heaven I like to think. Even though it turned out for the worst I am so glad I was able to be there for Jen while God was deciding her fate. <strong><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ff99ff;"><em>*I hope to hell there is not booze in heaven. If there is I'm hoping they save a seat for me at that big meeting in the sky.*<br /><br /></em></span></strong><strong><span style="font-size:130%;color:#ff99ff;"><em></em></span></strong>So to make a point here, sure there may be days where I don't FEEL like doing to a meeting for whatever lame reason. I don't know who is going to be at the meeting, and maybe I can be of service. There may be someone who needs help and who the hell am I to plop my fat ass in front of my computer or TV and only think about ME. There will ALWAYS be someone at a meeting who needs a hug or some words of encouragement, or maybe they need a big swift kick in the ass. Maybe it's ME who needs this stuff. It can't be given away if I'm not there. THAT my friends is why I "Keep Going". So I am off to a meeting people. If I want to stay sober I have to give back, its as simple as that. Love to you all and stay sober for me tonight, would ya?<strong><em><span style="color:#ff99ff;"> EXCEPTION</span></em></strong>-SB, I know you will have a glass of wine to celebrate my sobriety. Cause you're one cool bitch like that! QUEEN......OUT<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="color:#33cc00;"></span></div>Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-31525939294095826552009-11-17T15:18:00.003-05:002009-11-17T15:44:17.746-05:00Birthdays!<a href="http://recoverygraphics.com/albums/userpics/10002/Blow_Me_It_s_My_Birthday.gif"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 175px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 175px; CURSOR: hand" border="0" alt="" src="http://recoverygraphics.com/albums/userpics/10002/Blow_Me_It_s_My_Birthday.gif" /></a><br /><div>Many thanks for all of your kind words and prayers for my cousin Glen. All of the prayers are working as he is getting better a <span style="font-size:78%;">little bit</span> every day. Anything is better than the way he was doing when he first got hospitalized. I feared we were going to lose him, but now I can see definate hope. The power of prayer is amazing.<br /><br />Today is Prince's 14th birthday! He is growing and maturing quite nicely. He is angry less often these days. Right now he is outside with POS, yes Good Old DADDY. POS actually remembered his birthday this year and brought him a pretty decent gift. He is supposedly not drinking but has no plan, no program. As long as he does right by my son, I don't care what he's got going on.<br /><br />Today is also MY birthday, my AA birthday! My 4th. Some also call it an anniversary. I will celebrate with my home group at tonights meeting. My anniversary fell smack dab on the same night as my home group meeting, I'll not be waiting for my 4 year chip this year. I will get it today, four years to the day that I surrendered. Four years from the day I decided to accept the fact that I was an alcoholic and to actually do the work it takes to get and stay sober. I thank God each and every day for the gift of another sober day. It has been absolutely amazing and it has been awesome sharing my trials and tribulations with you all here on blogger. When you meet people in meetings you can usually identify with other alkies. I think its kinda neat that we can do the same here in blogger land. I think its so cool how we connect through our common bond of alcoholism/addiction even though most of us have never met on another. Just amazing.<br />QUEEN.......OUT </div>Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-69325767626330617332009-11-13T00:26:00.003-05:002009-11-13T00:41:33.092-05:00H1N1 hits in Queens familyYup, I am here to tell you that H1N1 has reared its ugly head in my family. A very young cousin (39) of mine is critically ill right now. Fighting like mad for his life. He became ill late last week and went to the hospital with a fever of 105 on Saturday. They admitted him and put him in intensive care. They tested him and it came back positive for H1N1. He was put on a slew of antibiotics and they still could not get him stable. His kidneys were shutting down. His fever would not come down. As soon as he was stable enough, they flew him to Yale New Haven Hospital and he is now on dialysis and is still critical but is showing teeny signs of getting slightly better.<br /><br />This man has a great life and a wonderful family. He has three children and a beautiful wife. He IS fighting. He is a strong man. He's got to make it. He just DOES. His family needs him. Please pray for my cousin Glen.<br /><br />Please my beloved blogger buddies, take the precautions that the officials recommend. Hand washing is a MUST. Hell I wipe down my work area-phones, counters, keyboards-EVERYTHING. Everyday. Before Glen even got sick. This is a SERIOUS virus. Keep yourself and your family safe by doing those simple recommendations that you have been reading about. It could be you or your family in that bed tonight. This virus does not discriminate. Take care friends.....Queen....OUTQueenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-50689047171743491622009-11-08T00:13:00.004-05:002009-11-08T00:51:53.721-05:00Gratitude<a href="http://www.recoverygraphics.com/albums/AA5/joke.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 184px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 282px; CURSOR: hand" border="0" alt="" src="http://www.recoverygraphics.com/albums/AA5/joke.jpg" /></a><br /><br />Its been too long since I put my fingers to the keyboard and let y'all know how blessed I am~<br /><br />I am so grateful that I am no longer in an abusive, alcoholic relationship. I see and hear things around me all the time truly feel for the people who are still "stuck" like I was. There is a way out.<br /><br />I will celebrate another birthday in AA soon, I am so grateful for this most wonderful program and all of those who came before me.<br /><br />My son's birthday is the same day as my AA birthday and I think that is the coolest shit EVER. We share a birthday.....WOW<br /><br />I have a true friend in one of POS sisters. She truly understands me and has stood up for me when needed and for that I thank her.<br /><br />I still have my job, my home,my son, my car, my LIFE. None of which I would have without AA<br /><br />I have the RESPECT of my peers and my family. again WOW<br /><br />I have the best home group ever. If you don't feel the same way about yours-get another one.<br /><br />I get to go to work tomorrow and earn double time.<br /><br />Blast O Butter popcorn and Java Chip Frappichino Ice cream. yeah.<br /><br />I get to go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning now. As opposed to passing out and coming to.<br /><br />No more guilt and shame. Gone, bye, cya. That is the best I tell you.<br /><br />You all have an awesome weekend. I know I will.....QUEEN.....OUTQueenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-45516654868654365752009-11-01T03:02:00.006-05:002009-11-08T00:39:56.858-05:00OK NOW I got something<span style="color:#ff99ff;"></span><a href="http://www.recoverygraphics.com/albums/userpics/10002/Surrender_Angel.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 350px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 250px; CURSOR: hand" border="0" alt="" src="http://www.recoverygraphics.com/albums/userpics/10002/Surrender_Angel.jpg" /></a><br /><div>As some of you may know, I have a few of my relatives living here with me. My sister and her 19 year old daughter. I love them both very much and they both had a bad situation where they came from prior to coming here. I have been practically BEGGING my sister to come here for what is seems like forever. She finally arrived a few months ago and her daughter followed soon after. </div><br /><div>So you know your Queen doesn't beat around the bush. I am CONCERNED about my sister (who reads my blog BTW). I am an alcoholic and will soon celebrate 4 years of sobriety (God willing). That's not really very long, and I DO remember where I came from and what I went through to get sober. I make damn sure I remember where I was and how I was feeling that day. </div><br /><div>Living here with little sister is like watching a movie of my life before I got sober. She is doing the SAME shit I did, its like looking into the past and I don't like what I'm seeing. I am watching her drink to excess, miss work, and slowly crash and burn JUST LIKE I DID. She does not see that this is a problem. I worry she is going to lose her job. Will that be her bottom? It hurts me to see her go through this and it hurts her children. I don't think anyone other than the alcoholic can say they are one, but she sure is drinking and acting alcoholically. I don't want her to leave, she is always welcome here. But I do know she is suffering and I want to help. I am not going to call in the AA popo or anything drastic like that - but something has got to give here. </div><br /><div>If you are an alkie like me and you don't think that you are hurting anyone but yourself, you need to think again. It hurts and affects all of your family, loved ones, your coworkers, EVERYONE around you. I know that when you are in the middle of all that chaos you simply DON'T GIVE A SHIT. I think that's where she is at right about now. She blew off work today because "she didn't feel like dealing with those people today." UM. OK. Been there, done that have a work file six inches thick to prove it. I am so done with booze and the impact it has had on my family. Every one of us six children have some form of this disease. My big brother, (you all remember Drunkle Uncle) just got out of the hospital for drinking related issues. I lost a sister to drug use and alcoholism. ENOUGH is ENOUGH. Our children don't deserve to be brought up in a home with all these goddamn drunks. It's a vicious cycle that need to end. </div><br /><div><em><span style="color:#ff99ff;"><strong>Little sister, I love you more than you could even imagine. We need to talk sista. Somethings gotta give. Because I feel like I am losing you. So do your children. All of them. There <span style="color:#3366ff;">IS </span>a way of life without alcohol that is second to none. Let me help you find it. </strong></span></em></div><div><strong><em><span style="color:#ff99ff;"></span></em></strong></div><div><span style="color:#ff99ff;"></span></div><div><span style="color:#ff99ff;"></span></div>Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-23421082998136822972009-10-25T22:53:00.003-04:002009-10-25T23:21:58.754-04:00I got nuthinTo complain about that is! How nice it feels not to have to come in here or anywhere really, and bitch about something that isn't going MY way. How nice not to have to come to this morning and contemplate whether or not I would be gracing my job with my presence. Oh and then there's the lie I would have to tell them about WHY I wouldn't be going in THIS TIME. <em><strong><span style="color:#66ffff;">"I</span></strong></em> <em><strong><span style="color:#66ffff;">am having trouble with my eyes, I can't see coming in today" </span></strong></em>HA HA HA. Yea. That kind of fucked up stuff I no longer need to do. I have AA to thank for my sanity today and every day. What a blessing. I am just a happy Queen today.<br /><br />I found the perfect gift for my son today. His birthday is in a few weeks and I stumbled upon this here item and snatched that shit right up. It is a<a href="http://twitpic.com/koib1"> ONE POUND Reese's Peanut Butter Cup </a>candy bar......Actually it is a package of TWO cups, each 8 ounces. <span style="color:#ffff33;"><em><strong>ITS HUMUNGOUS</strong></em>!</span> He is going to love it! SCORE!<br /><br />Thanks for letting me share...QUEEN.....OUTQueenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-75665507873536648462009-10-21T07:08:00.004-04:002009-11-08T01:24:18.318-05:00Surrender<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwaMnEovvkghyZWiPL7zSy1XhqsfiLGGocF3S8QhT2_2u8mOB8OVRuK5y3oFd1WkyoVrMjeRhC-GeHT345z5IM4l_dEGRGvXhm6exdz5lxkstDRUK57rVChIdO1hi7_9Yfs0km84OjHbU/s1600-h/I_Placed_My_Life_In_The_Hands_Of_God.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 303px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5395024548600461890" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwaMnEovvkghyZWiPL7zSy1XhqsfiLGGocF3S8QhT2_2u8mOB8OVRuK5y3oFd1WkyoVrMjeRhC-GeHT345z5IM4l_dEGRGvXhm6exdz5lxkstDRUK57rVChIdO1hi7_9Yfs0km84OjHbU/s320/I_Placed_My_Life_In_The_Hands_Of_God.jpg" /></a><br /><div>Until I fully surrendered, I could NOT stay away from that first drink. I was a sloooow learner and it was not until 13 years after my first rehab in 1992 that I finally put it down. I remember when I came back in 2005, I was still not <em><strong><span style="color:#33ff33;">ENTIRELY ready</span></strong></em>. I went to meetings regularly, but I was also <strong><em><span style="color:#33ff33;">DRINKING</span></em></strong> regularly. I do NOT recommend this method to anyone and I try not to mention it around newcomers. Threes nothing like a head full of AA and a belly full of booze. It was agonizing but I persevered and "kept coming" like I always heard and one day it just stuck. Thank you God.<br /><br />I see people coming in and out of the rooms of AA. Some just go out and never come back. Some are are still out there suffering and some are dead. This is a deadly disease and when I see a fellow AA member out there suffering it not only hurts but it also helps me. It helps me by reminding me of where I will be if I choose to drink again.<br /><br />I thankfully still have my job and recently I have seen someone from the fellowship (FORMALLY-I suppose) who is ripping us off blind and coming in to return the items for cash. This is someone who asked me to sponsor her and I agreed to do it temporarily. She never called me and the next time I saw her was months later when she came back and got her one year chip. I remember feeling relieved that she was still working her program.<br /><br />I know her and I feel for her, but I try to intercept the transaction when I see her in the store. I will NOT give her cash. She looks like hell and she doesn't even know who I am. Or maybe she does and just doesn't care. She is back out there and it's incredibly sad.<br /><br />All I can do is pray for her and others that are out there suffering. They know where to go for help and I hope they make it back safely.<br /><br />I am grateful for AA and the fellowship. I pray that I will not have to worry about coming back in, but you just never know.<br /><br />I heard something profound in a meeting last night that I would like to share with you. My friend Peter was sharing and he said<em><strong><span style="color:#33ff33;"> "I have never heard of someone going back out there and drinking</span></strong></em> <em><strong><span style="color:#33ff33;">again that prayed to their Higher Power that morning to keep them from a</span></strong></em> <strong><em><span style="color:#33ff33;">drink for that day."</span></em></strong> This man has quite a few 24 hours and I love what he has to say, every time he shares.<br /><br />You all have a great HUMP day and stay sober with me.....QUEEN....OUT </div>Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-86947273385210376752009-10-19T18:49:00.002-04:002009-10-19T19:00:56.663-04:00GROWTHI had to buy two space heaters for my house, since my heat is off. It's just a matter of someone coming and getting my furnace going and then we will be all set. I hope it doesn't get TOO cold in the meantime, but I got these heaters. They needed a little bit of assembly and my son did it, and he said to me "I'm getting to be quite the handyman, aren't I?" and I said "Well you kind of need to be and you're doing a good job." Then he said "I wish dad was still here, I wish you two were still together" UGH. And I said <em><strong>what I USUALLY say </strong></em>"I'm sorry Buddy" and HE then said "<em><strong><span style="color:#ffff00;">I guess</span></strong></em> <strong><em><span style="color:#ffff00;">he just had a different plan than we did</span></em></strong>." How awful insightful of this 13 year old young man, don't you think? He is <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">absolutely</span> right. He is growing and maturing quite nicely and I am so proud of him. I just wanted to share this with you all. He is still hurting and he can verbalize it to me instead of acting out in anger and that my friends is <strong><em><span style="color:#ffff00;">growth</span></em></strong>. Thank you GOD.Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-3449504764924771962009-10-18T23:29:00.007-04:002009-10-19T00:15:15.361-04:00How Y'all Dewin?<a href="http://www.grouchyoldcripple.com/archives/Jeans.gif"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 330px; CURSOR: hand" border="0" alt="" src="http://www.grouchyoldcripple.com/archives/Jeans.gif" /></a><br /><p>I am doing pretty good. I have been a bit busy, but <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">that's</span> NO excuse for not keeping up here in blogger land. I have been in reading and commenting here and there but I need to get back to regular blogging. I love it here and it is an important part of my recovery and just like my meetings I can't let it just slip away. We all know what complacency leads too. But I am really doing well. Here is a bullet list for ya~<br /></p><ul><li>I went to an awesome meeting tonight. Cold and rainy but shit that NEVER stopped me from going to the damn <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">packy</span> so off I went. </li><br /><li>Prince is doing <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">soooo</span> good in school. He is really trying his best. He missed making up a test on Friday after school and he emailed his teacher ON HIS OWN to apologize and reschedule. I didn't even know he knew HOW to do this!! (email)</li><br /><li>Sister is fine and so is my sweet little (19 yrs old) niece. Its nice to have people around here for a change. At one point today you would have thought it was Christmas with all the relatives that were here. Cool. Really Cool!</li><br /><li>It actually SNOWED here the other night. And my heat does not work. But we just bundled up and turned on a few space heaters and I had my little shit of a dog to snuggle up with and nobody froze to death. </li><br /><li>Oh - this one is GOOD. I ran into my FIRST EVER BOYFRIEND in my regular Tuesday night meeting. HA! When I told him who I was he freaked out (in a good way) and he said " I had the BIGGEST crush on you". Ha, well OF COURSE HE DID! </li><br /><li>My big brother (Uncle <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Drunkle</span>) is out of the hospital and I am happy to report that he has not had a drink since he was released! <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">YAY</span>. Don't know if he is going to stick with it, but for now this is <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">definitely</span> a good thing and he feels great. </li><br /><li>I am kinda <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">gettin</span> pissed that for some reason I cannot seem to copy and paste from one blog to another. Anyone else having this problem? </li><br /><li>The other day I had a button pop off of my jeans. Then, the zipper went on another pair. While I was at WORK. I had to keep hiking up my draws all damn day. It was real attractive. I wish my damn dryer would STOP shrinking all my damn clothes!!! Yea, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">that's</span> what it must be, THE DRYER. It could NOT be the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">Blasto</span>-O-Butter popcorn that I consume every <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-error">freakin</span> day, nope <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">that's</span> not it. </li></ul><p>Well you all have a kick ass evening and I will see you soon.....Queen.....OUT</p>Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4863360027207445852.post-40636340122034959582009-10-08T19:56:00.006-04:002009-10-08T20:47:04.510-04:00See I knew I was missedYou love me....You<strong><em><span style="color:#ff0000;"> REALLY</span></em></strong> love me! I knew it! I want to thank<a href="http://beanspath.blogspot.com/"> Robin at Beans Path </a>for this lovely blog award.<br /><br /><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOtTdNfLBeQJX7ZQ4CeIas5TSkpm4B3WnkYIbSB1u5Pg2BKYafMvFMBuWbrwpRsSCJYR-xn7jsMNZfaPsnSvAhEwl1mZ4SsFYrW-Ot0GSvZ1gzPIymB2hlpNfvu7xLtFkb1wU18s-KtkQ/s1600-h/Overthetopaward1_thumb31%5B1%5D.png"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 220px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 210px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5390383179156808482" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOtTdNfLBeQJX7ZQ4CeIas5TSkpm4B3WnkYIbSB1u5Pg2BKYafMvFMBuWbrwpRsSCJYR-xn7jsMNZfaPsnSvAhEwl1mZ4SsFYrW-Ot0GSvZ1gzPIymB2hlpNfvu7xLtFkb1wU18s-KtkQ/s400/Overthetopaward1_thumb31%5B1%5D.png" /></a> Here's the deal on this prestigious award folks~</p><p>The rules are as follows:<br /><br />Answer the survey below…you can only use one word answers!<br />Pass this along to 6 of your favorite <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">bloggers</span>!<br />Alert them that you have given them this award!<br />Have Fun!<br />_______________________________________________________<br />Where is your cell phone?- pocket<br />Your hair? - "lightening"<br />Your mother?- hilarious<br />Your father? – missed<br />Your favorite food?-all<br />Your dream last night?-wet<br />Your favorite drink? <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">icedcoffee</span><br />Your dream/goal? – happiness<br />What room are you in?- living<br />Your hobby?-<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">facebook</span> (so I'm a LOSER-Whatever)<br />Your Fear?- Loss<br />Where do you want to be in 6 years? –alive<br />Where were you last night? – Home<br />Something that you <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">aren</span>’t? drunk<br />Muffins? pastries!<br />Wish list item? maid<br />Where did you grow up? southeast<br />Last thing you did? dishes<br />What are you wearing? <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">hoodie</span><br />Your TV? fabulous<br />Your pets? outside<br />Friends? recovery<br />Your life? content<br />Your mood? bored<br />Missing someone? nope<br />Vehicle? explorer<br />Something you’re not wearing? pasties<br />Your favorite store? <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">cvs</span><br />Your favorite color? green<br />When was the last time you laughed? today<br />Last time you cried? dunno<br />One place that I go to over and over? work<br />One person who emails me regularly? <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">vivvy</span><br />Favorite place to eat? any<br /><br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm</span> going to pass this to: </p><p><a href="http://auntannisgnarly.blogspot.com/">Ann H. at My Magic Nation</a>~because she rocks and has been absent as of late and needs to get her sweet ass back to <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">bloggin</span>.</p><p><a href="http://nogainnoloss.blogspot.com/">Farrell at Nothing Gained, Nothing Lost</a>~I pass this on to you dearest Farrell because I can so identify with you and love reading you. </p><p><a href="http://sarahkristen111.blogspot.com/">Sarah at Complications of a Perfect Life</a>~I heart you Sarah and am proud of how you are doing with everything <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">that's</span> going on-you are amazing!</p><p><a href="http://elegantblessings.blogspot.com/"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">Akaannie</span> at Elegant Blessings</a>~An amazing woman, who always writes just what I need to hear, when I need to hear it. Love her.</p><p><a href="http://xcomexundonex.blogspot.com/">Far From Ordinary at Shes Come Undone</a>~A newcomer to recovery, I visit her often. If you read this dear, I have tried to leave comments but I cannot. A black screen is all I see and it pisses me off! I really would like to comment so if that is something that can be fixed that would be great. We are here to help if we can! </p><p>and lastly to <a href="http://poopinmypocket.blogspot.com/">Hurricane <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">Rojo</span> at I've Got POOP </a>In My Pocket because I just love her to pieces. AND she totally got me the coolest gift from her vacation this summer and I LOVE PRESENTS! I can be bought people, just so you know. </p><p>I hope you all have a great night!! QUEEN....OUT</p><p></p>Queenneeneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05878991539295738244noreply@blogger.com9