Thursday, January 1, 2009

She is at peace now



I truly believe that God put Jennifer into my life for a reason. I am still working on what that reason is. I have a few therories. I'd like to share them here with you.

I believe that she was put into my life to ease the guilt I have felt over the loss of my sister. The guilt I felt was largely due to my belief that I could (or should) have made a difference. That I should have tried to help her. I now believe that my sister was beyond help, just like Jen was and that anything I tried to do to help would have been in vain. The similarities in Jen and my sister were just such a huge red flag from the Lord himself to have been a coincidence.

I know that even though I only knew her for 34 days, Jen and I became instant friends. God put her in that meeting the first night so she could have a friend she could identify with while He was deciding her fate. When we met we "clicked" immediately. It was as if we had been friends forever. The second day of our friendship, she told me that it was good to have a real friend again, that it felt that she had known me for a long time. I felt the same way about her.

During our short friendship, I also got to know her mother. I adore this woman. I spoke with her yesterday and she asked that I keep in touch, to call her and visit whenever I wanted. I was happy to hear this and I intend on doing just that. In such a short time, I grew to love Jen and her family.

I think that God chose to put Jen into my life to remind me just how deadly my disease is. It wants me dead, and if I choose to pick up even one drink (which would lead to a thousand) I will certainly meet the same fate as she did.

She suffers no more, Thank you God-for sending me Jen. I know she is safe now.

8 comments:

Lou said...

"while He decided her fate". That is very beautiful.

Pam said...

I'm sorry, bless your heart.

Gledwood said...

I am sending you a big hug down the line... hope you got broadband otherwise it'll max out your system for hours... got it? Good

;->...

ac said...

It's lovely of you to keep in touch with her mom. You are a good person Queenneenee. ac

Barb said...

You are a very special person Neen

big Jenn said...

Sorry it took me so long to read this post. I'm sorry about Jen. She was lucky to have had you as a friend, even for such a short time. dying of alcoholism isn't pretty. She's not suffering any more. jeNN

Chunks of Reality said...

I read quite a few posts on your blog and enjoyed my stay. I think it is absolutely wonderful how you are working on your life and going to meetings. You are a very strong woman and I admire you.

Scott W said...

Some are in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Sounds to me like some intense karma brought you together.