Why I "Keep Coming"

Hello friends and cyber family-

I just got off the phone with a young woman from my home group. She was absent from our meeting last night. She relapsed and her boyfriend asked me at the meeting last night to please call her.

HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I *DISLIKE* THIS DISEASE?

To back up a bit, I celebrated 4 years of continuous sobriety yesterday. I went to my regular *best damn meeting in Connecticut* meeting last night. We do a medallion ceremony every week and they did a very special one for me. I was truly touched. But before they got to me they gave out newcomer, 1-2-3-6-9 month, and 1 year chips. There were three female newcomers that got up and got chips. I love it when I see the newbies coming in, but especially the ladies. Ladies that I can reach my hand out to and offer them help. The same help that was offered to me when I came in shakin and quakin, spittin and sputtering. If not for those people, I would not have stuck around and I certainly wouldn't be celebrating anything today. I'd be drunk or dead. Fo Sho!

I went out at break time and this is when my friend approached me about calling his GF who was supposed to give me my chip last night! She was home drinking and trying to leave her home to get more booze. My heart sank. NOOOO!! He took her car to the meeting so she could not drive. He's a great guy with 14 years sober, but even he cannot keep her from a drink. If you are a drunk and you're not ready to stop-there's not much anyone can really do for you. It's all about acceptance and surrender and until I miraculously found it one day four years ago, I could not stop either.

So anyway I called her and she is hitting a meeting that meets 2 doors down from my castle and I will meet her there tonight. She is embarrassed, remorseful, and full of guilt. She wants to jump right back in and I will be there for her. I let her know she was missed last night and that she is loved. I reminded her of what could happen. I asked her if she remembers Jen, our fellow newbie and now dead member. She was my first official sponsee and as hard as I tried to help her, she succumbed to this disease-34 days after we met. Thirty four days after she returned to AA. You can read about her here, here and here. <------ I am feeling all linky as you can see. But I need to remember my time with her and know that this can easily be ME if I choose to drink again. I still believe that my Higher Power brought Jen to me so I could love her for the last few weeks of her life. So she could have a friend to hold her hand while she suffered, to let her know there WAS hope. But it was not to be and she was called home. To that big meeting in heaven I like to think. Even though it turned out for the worst I am so glad I was able to be there for Jen while God was deciding her fate. *I hope to hell there is not booze in heaven. If there is I'm hoping they save a seat for me at that big meeting in the sky.*

So to make a point here, sure there may be days where I don't FEEL like doing to a meeting for whatever lame reason. I don't know who is going to be at the meeting, and maybe I can be of service. There may be someone who needs help and who the hell am I to plop my fat ass in front of my computer or TV and only think about ME. There will ALWAYS be someone at a meeting who needs a hug or some words of encouragement, or maybe they need a big swift kick in the ass. Maybe it's ME who needs this stuff. It can't be given away if I'm not there. THAT my friends is why I "Keep Going". So I am off to a meeting people. If I want to stay sober I have to give back, its as simple as that. Love to you all and stay sober for me tonight, would ya? EXCEPTION-SB, I know you will have a glass of wine to celebrate my sobriety. Cause you're one cool bitch like that! QUEEN......OUT

Birthdays!

Many thanks for all of your kind words and prayers for my cousin Glen. All of the prayers are working as he is getting better a little bit every day. Anything is better than the way he was doing when he first got hospitalized. I feared we were going to lose him, but now I can see definate hope. The power of prayer is amazing.

Today is Prince's 14th birthday! He is growing and maturing quite nicely. He is angry less often these days. Right now he is outside with POS, yes Good Old DADDY. POS actually remembered his birthday this year and brought him a pretty decent gift. He is supposedly not drinking but has no plan, no program. As long as he does right by my son, I don't care what he's got going on.

Today is also MY birthday, my AA birthday! My 4th. Some also call it an anniversary. I will celebrate with my home group at tonights meeting. My anniversary fell smack dab on the same night as my home group meeting, I'll not be waiting for my 4 year chip this year. I will get it today, four years to the day that I surrendered. Four years from the day I decided to accept the fact that I was an alcoholic and to actually do the work it takes to get and stay sober. I thank God each and every day for the gift of another sober day. It has been absolutely amazing and it has been awesome sharing my trials and tribulations with you all here on blogger. When you meet people in meetings you can usually identify with other alkies. I think its kinda neat that we can do the same here in blogger land. I think its so cool how we connect through our common bond of alcoholism/addiction even though most of us have never met on another. Just amazing.
QUEEN.......OUT

H1N1 hits in Queens family

Yup, I am here to tell you that H1N1 has reared its ugly head in my family. A very young cousin (39) of mine is critically ill right now. Fighting like mad for his life. He became ill late last week and went to the hospital with a fever of 105 on Saturday. They admitted him and put him in intensive care. They tested him and it came back positive for H1N1. He was put on a slew of antibiotics and they still could not get him stable. His kidneys were shutting down. His fever would not come down. As soon as he was stable enough, they flew him to Yale New Haven Hospital and he is now on dialysis and is still critical but is showing teeny signs of getting slightly better.

This man has a great life and a wonderful family. He has three children and a beautiful wife. He IS fighting. He is a strong man. He's got to make it. He just DOES. His family needs him. Please pray for my cousin Glen.

Please my beloved blogger buddies, take the precautions that the officials recommend. Hand washing is a MUST. Hell I wipe down my work area-phones, counters, keyboards-EVERYTHING. Everyday. Before Glen even got sick. This is a SERIOUS virus. Keep yourself and your family safe by doing those simple recommendations that you have been reading about. It could be you or your family in that bed tonight. This virus does not discriminate. Take care friends.....Queen....OUT

Gratitude

Its been too long since I put my fingers to the keyboard and let y'all know how blessed I am~

I am so grateful that I am no longer in an abusive, alcoholic relationship. I see and hear things around me all the time truly feel for the people who are still "stuck" like I was. There is a way out.

I will celebrate another birthday in AA soon, I am so grateful for this most wonderful program and all of those who came before me.

My son's birthday is the same day as my AA birthday and I think that is the coolest shit EVER. We share a birthday.....WOW

I have a true friend in one of POS sisters. She truly understands me and has stood up for me when needed and for that I thank her.

I still have my job, my home,my son, my car, my LIFE. None of which I would have without AA

I have the RESPECT of my peers and my family. again WOW

I have the best home group ever. If you don't feel the same way about yours-get another one.

I get to go to work tomorrow and earn double time.

Blast O Butter popcorn and Java Chip Frappichino Ice cream. yeah.

I get to go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning now. As opposed to passing out and coming to.

No more guilt and shame. Gone, bye, cya. That is the best I tell you.

You all have an awesome weekend. I know I will.....QUEEN.....OUT

OK NOW I got something

As some of you may know, I have a few of my relatives living here with me. My sister and her 19 year old daughter. I love them both very much and they both had a bad situation where they came from prior to coming here. I have been practically BEGGING my sister to come here for what is seems like forever. She finally arrived a few months ago and her daughter followed soon after.

So you know your Queen doesn't beat around the bush. I am CONCERNED about my sister (who reads my blog BTW). I am an alcoholic and will soon celebrate 4 years of sobriety (God willing). That's not really very long, and I DO remember where I came from and what I went through to get sober. I make damn sure I remember where I was and how I was feeling that day.

Living here with little sister is like watching a movie of my life before I got sober. She is doing the SAME shit I did, its like looking into the past and I don't like what I'm seeing. I am watching her drink to excess, miss work, and slowly crash and burn JUST LIKE I DID. She does not see that this is a problem. I worry she is going to lose her job. Will that be her bottom? It hurts me to see her go through this and it hurts her children. I don't think anyone other than the alcoholic can say they are one, but she sure is drinking and acting alcoholically. I don't want her to leave, she is always welcome here. But I do know she is suffering and I want to help. I am not going to call in the AA popo or anything drastic like that - but something has got to give here.

If you are an alkie like me and you don't think that you are hurting anyone but yourself, you need to think again. It hurts and affects all of your family, loved ones, your coworkers, EVERYONE around you. I know that when you are in the middle of all that chaos you simply DON'T GIVE A SHIT. I think that's where she is at right about now. She blew off work today because "she didn't feel like dealing with those people today." UM. OK. Been there, done that have a work file six inches thick to prove it. I am so done with booze and the impact it has had on my family. Every one of us six children have some form of this disease. My big brother, (you all remember Drunkle Uncle) just got out of the hospital for drinking related issues. I lost a sister to drug use and alcoholism. ENOUGH is ENOUGH. Our children don't deserve to be brought up in a home with all these goddamn drunks. It's a vicious cycle that need to end.

Little sister, I love you more than you could even imagine. We need to talk sista. Somethings gotta give. Because I feel like I am losing you. So do your children. All of them. There IS a way of life without alcohol that is second to none. Let me help you find it.