Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Why I "Keep Coming"


Hello friends and cyber family-

I just got off the phone with a young woman from my home group. She was absent from our meeting last night. She relapsed and her boyfriend asked me at the meeting last night to please call her.

HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I *DISLIKE* THIS DISEASE?

To back up a bit, I celebrated 4 years of continuous sobriety yesterday. I went to my regular *best damn meeting in Connecticut* meeting last night. We do a medallion ceremony every week and they did a very special one for me. I was truly touched. But before they got to me they gave out newcomer, 1-2-3-6-9 month, and 1 year chips. There were three female newcomers that got up and got chips. I love it when I see the newbies coming in, but especially the ladies. Ladies that I can reach my hand out to and offer them help. The same help that was offered to me when I came in shakin and quakin, spittin and sputtering. If not for those people, I would not have stuck around and I certainly wouldn't be celebrating anything today. I'd be drunk or dead. Fo Sho!

I went out at break time and this is when my friend approached me about calling his GF who was supposed to give me my chip last night! She was home drinking and trying to leave her home to get more booze. My heart sank. NOOOO!! He took her car to the meeting so she could not drive. He's a great guy with 14 years sober, but even he cannot keep her from a drink. If you are a drunk and you're not ready to stop-there's not much anyone can really do for you. It's all about acceptance and surrender and until I miraculously found it one day four years ago, I could not stop either.

So anyway I called her and she is hitting a meeting that meets 2 doors down from my castle and I will meet her there tonight. She is embarrassed, remorseful, and full of guilt. She wants to jump right back in and I will be there for her. I let her know she was missed last night and that she is loved. I reminded her of what could happen. I asked her if she remembers Jen, our fellow newbie and now dead member. She was my first official sponsee and as hard as I tried to help her, she succumbed to this disease-34 days after we met. Thirty four days after she returned to AA. You can read about her here, here and here. <------ I am feeling all linky as you can see. But I need to remember my time with her and know that this can easily be ME if I choose to drink again. I still believe that my Higher Power brought Jen to me so I could love her for the last few weeks of her life. So she could have a friend to hold her hand while she suffered, to let her know there WAS hope. But it was not to be and she was called home. To that big meeting in heaven I like to think. Even though it turned out for the worst I am so glad I was able to be there for Jen while God was deciding her fate. *I hope to hell there is not booze in heaven. If there is I'm hoping they save a seat for me at that big meeting in the sky.*

So to make a point here, sure there may be days where I don't FEEL like doing to a meeting for whatever lame reason. I don't know who is going to be at the meeting, and maybe I can be of service. There may be someone who needs help and who the hell am I to plop my fat ass in front of my computer or TV and only think about ME. There will ALWAYS be someone at a meeting who needs a hug or some words of encouragement, or maybe they need a big swift kick in the ass. Maybe it's ME who needs this stuff. It can't be given away if I'm not there. THAT my friends is why I "Keep Going". So I am off to a meeting people. If I want to stay sober I have to give back, its as simple as that. Love to you all and stay sober for me tonight, would ya? EXCEPTION-SB, I know you will have a glass of wine to celebrate my sobriety. Cause you're one cool bitch like that! QUEEN......OUT



9 comments:

big Jenn said...

Rock on girl!jeNN

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I love you, Queenneenee! Happy Anniversary!! Many, many, more.

It's good to know that if I ever quit drinking, I have a good mentor in you.

I am SO VERY proud of you!

Love, SB.

Gin said...

Happy 4-years Queenie! What a blessing!!!

Syd said...

I'm glad that you are there Queen. I'll have a beer to celebrate your sobriety too since I am totally normal with my one beer every 2 weeks. Bless you lady.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

I am glad that you are at the meetings you are and here online, your experience, strength and hope are apparent!!!

You rock!
Wish you were where I am in WV...

Hugs,
g

Pam said...

4 years is FABULOUS!!

Tall Kay said...

Happy 4 years to you! Isn't it amazing how those days turn into years? I pray that your friend can make it back. Willing to go to any length is a 'tall' order! I'm grateful you keep coming back!

Lou said...

I'll never give up on my addict. I'm grateful to know there are people who never give up on the newcomers.

Sorry I missed your birthday. Next time, yell it LOUDER!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and the Boy...

The Subversive Librarian said...

Happy Anniversary, Queen! My sponsor went back out a couple of years ago. As far as I know he's still out there. I heard a variation of a common saying that I really like: This program isn't for people who need it and it's not for people who want it. It's for people who DO it.