Sunday, November 1, 2009

OK NOW I got something

As some of you may know, I have a few of my relatives living here with me. My sister and her 19 year old daughter. I love them both very much and they both had a bad situation where they came from prior to coming here. I have been practically BEGGING my sister to come here for what is seems like forever. She finally arrived a few months ago and her daughter followed soon after.

So you know your Queen doesn't beat around the bush. I am CONCERNED about my sister (who reads my blog BTW). I am an alcoholic and will soon celebrate 4 years of sobriety (God willing). That's not really very long, and I DO remember where I came from and what I went through to get sober. I make damn sure I remember where I was and how I was feeling that day.

Living here with little sister is like watching a movie of my life before I got sober. She is doing the SAME shit I did, its like looking into the past and I don't like what I'm seeing. I am watching her drink to excess, miss work, and slowly crash and burn JUST LIKE I DID. She does not see that this is a problem. I worry she is going to lose her job. Will that be her bottom? It hurts me to see her go through this and it hurts her children. I don't think anyone other than the alcoholic can say they are one, but she sure is drinking and acting alcoholically. I don't want her to leave, she is always welcome here. But I do know she is suffering and I want to help. I am not going to call in the AA popo or anything drastic like that - but something has got to give here.

If you are an alkie like me and you don't think that you are hurting anyone but yourself, you need to think again. It hurts and affects all of your family, loved ones, your coworkers, EVERYONE around you. I know that when you are in the middle of all that chaos you simply DON'T GIVE A SHIT. I think that's where she is at right about now. She blew off work today because "she didn't feel like dealing with those people today." UM. OK. Been there, done that have a work file six inches thick to prove it. I am so done with booze and the impact it has had on my family. Every one of us six children have some form of this disease. My big brother, (you all remember Drunkle Uncle) just got out of the hospital for drinking related issues. I lost a sister to drug use and alcoholism. ENOUGH is ENOUGH. Our children don't deserve to be brought up in a home with all these goddamn drunks. It's a vicious cycle that need to end.

Little sister, I love you more than you could even imagine. We need to talk sista. Somethings gotta give. Because I feel like I am losing you. So do your children. All of them. There IS a way of life without alcohol that is second to none. Let me help you find it.


dAAve said...

I suspect that God (as you understand Him) is willing for you to celebrate your 4th year of sobriety.

Steve E. said...

I was told--and had to "find out on my own" that it is extremely difficult for one family member to give much more help--than a directional push--and to let others take it on from there. Just MY experience.

It is SO hard to just sit and watch it happen, to anyone, much less to one we love.

Prayers and love, Q.

Gin said...

Thinking of both of you! And coming from experience it does affect others even though you may feel like it is hurting only you. Just ask my 8-yr old and 10-yr old who have lost their father to the bottle. As hard as it was for me to lose a husband to it, I can only imagine how they must feel. I really hope this plea will touch your sister's heart. She's worth it!!!!!

diane d said...

I am praying for your family. This was a BEAUTIFUl post.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Sadly no one could tell me or show me, I did get asked a lot, that is what sunk in...did I think my behavior was healthy? Manageable?

You are a good sister, you are a great person and I hope that there is a conversation in your future and a year four chip!!!

love you

Lou said...

My son didn't care what my feelings were as long as his needs got met.
I finally learned that lesson, Queen.

Your sister is lucky you already know that lesson. It's the only way to help. God Bless ya'.

Syd said...

Queenee, I know the hardest thing is to watch someone we love do themselves in with alcohol. I suggest that you consider Al-Anon which has helped many in AA deal with a family member who has the disease. Over half of my Tuesday night group are double winners. It can help you to feel better and to realize that you can't cure another or control what they are doing.

Akannie said...

Hey Queen...

Just lovin' ya, that's all.

Prayers for you and yours...