Sunday, February 15, 2009

RAGE

I saw this in my son tonight. Big time. And it scared the living shit out of me. My son has NEVER made me feel afraid, until now. This child is bubbling over with rage and I don't know how to help him. He is calm at the moment but I will be calling his doctor tomorrow. Which will bring on a new episode I'm sure.

I allowed him to rage and spoke to him very calmly and told him I want to help him with his anger. I told him I loved him and couldn't stand to see him so troubled. He told me through clenched teeth and tears that it was never going to stop. I told him that I used to be angry and full of rage all the time and he asked me if I ever thought of killing myself or have I ever even tried to kill myself, like he has. Then he asked me if I ever though of killing someone else, like he has. All of this while breathing heavy and clenched teeth. Like I said it scared me, to think it is even worse than I knew.

I now understand why his doctor gave me a refrigerator magnet with a 1-800 number for the Emergency Mobile Psychiatric people, I almost used it tonight. I'll be sleeping with one eye open tonight. God help us. Please.

11 comments:

Gledwood said...

Queenee I don't know anything about this "bipolar" apart from what I've read in self-help for my own depression...

you want to ask the dr about "rapid cycling" and other I don't know what meds he's on but there's quite a few they can try

sorry i can't be of any more help

Syd said...

I'm really sorry Queenie. I can't imagine worrying about being hurt by your own child. Stay safe my friend.

Ann H. said...

Omg, Queenie, I will keep you in my prayers.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that the doctor can help with all of this. Just know there are many who are sending love your way...please keep us posted.

Indigo said...

Oh Sweetie, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I hope the dr. is able to help your son. I know I went through a period of not knowing what my daughter was capable of; to the point of changing the locks to my own home.

Your in my thoughts and prayers on the smoke dear friend. (Hugs)Indigo

Lou said...

I hope you find the right help, and fast. He must be in so much pain.

dAAve said...

Do whatever is necessary.

Zanejabbers said...

Queenie, please get him to help ASAP. Do what you need to do. I know the rage and the depression part. I pray for you both. God Bless.

Lynne said...

Hello I stumbled across your blog, I am from connecticut, come by my blog if you'd like. I am sorry about your son feeling so angry, I have been there and more. I hated those crazy feelings and feelings of no hope. I still get them now, but I know I will get threw them. But when I was in high school it was much worse.
Take care
Lynne

Atiyanna said...

Oh my dear sister...I know that rage as I have seen it too in my own son. I know that fear you feel and the helplessness that can come with it as well when you don't know how to help them. My prayers are with you Queen.
((hugs))
Atiyanna

ac said...

Sorry your son is having this difficult time. I will keep him (and you) in my thoughts. Hugs! ac