Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Here I sit 5am not able to sleep, so I clicked on blogger after playing so many facebook games I can't see straight.  It's been too long since I last posted(Aug 2011!).  Where oh where shall I start to catch you all up?

On my last post I indicated there was a serious problem with my dear Prince.  Well 2 inpatient hospital stays, a few outpatient programs and add a midyear change in high schools for my sweet boy and he isn't really doing too much better than he was in August.  In case you need to be reminded he has been diagnosed with MDD (major depression disorder)  MAJOR.  All he wants to do is die.  He has not ATTEMPTED to take his own life.  Thank you GOD.  But he is still in that awful dark place that we can't seem to reach with medication.  He has been on some sort of med or another since around the 3rd or fourth grade (he is now 16 and in the 11th grade).  At our last med appt. I told the doctor I want to see what the person under all that fucking medication is like.  MAYBE he is going to be ok without ANY medication.  What a concept, huh?  So he is being weaned off of one med at a time and we will see how that goes.  So far so good.  He is old enough and aware of how the medication is supposed to work, so he has promised mom that he will let me know of any issues. 

Having a child as sick as he is, has had its toll on your Queen.  Just a few weeks ago, I too had to go to the doc and tell her how miserable I was feeling.  She put me on Abilify and oh my fricken GOD what a diference.  I know my limits and I know damn well I must have MY happy pills as I call them.  It's actually just an antidepressant and now the Abilify.  I went from isolation and oversleeping and getting suspended at my job to ants in my damn pants in about a week and a half.  HOLY SHIT.  Not to worry, this is a good thing.  I have cleaned up the house, started my spring gardening and been up and off to work on time ever since it kicked in.  I love my Abilify! 

There has been lots of other stuff going on but I need to get my boy up for school, so I will try to post more often and catch you people up.  Cause I know you've all been holding your breath since you last heard from Queenie.  (Oh, most importantly I have remained SOBER)

So please DO comment, and let me know you're still out there----HELLLOOOOO-where y'all at?  And wish me a Happy Birthday while you're at it. 


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