Thursday, July 23, 2009

Pour me

Oh for chrissake, I got a bad case of the poor Me's again. I spoke with POS daughter (my sons step-sister) on the phone today. She is getting married here in town on Friday the 31st. Of course my son is invited, but I was waiting to see what they were going to decide about me. HAHA. I have made amends with - oh gee what shall we call big sister - how about Lucy. I love Lucy. hehe. No seriously, she was the very first person I made amends with when I got sober. She never lived with POS and I but she was his daughter and for the most part I was good to her. Her dad NEVER was. He still isn't. Towards the end of my drinking career I was awful to her. Mostly to piss off POS. Oh, the stupid shit we do when we are active.

Lucy has a beautiful one year old child now and is marrying the baby daddy. Cool, I guess. Don't get me goin' on marriage(I would tell her to take the baby and RUN!). So I made my amends and she accepted which was great and now we have a relationship but not the best and not as close as it once was. I called Lucy tonight because the wedding is next week and I need to know what to dress my kid in. So we got to talking and she started talking about why I had not received an invitation. She has to talk to POS first to make sure he is OK with it. He has a GF and she will probably be there and yada, yada, yada. Here is MY take on this. I think it is HER wedding and she can invite anyone she wants. I think she wants me there but doesn't want to risk her dad pulling any crap with me. Oh the other hand, this "man" has had NOTHING to do with her since day one unless either myself or another relative forced him to. He was just as bad a "father" to her as he is to my son. He is still bad and she thought once she had her daughter he would come around. Oh no silly girl, even grandchildren don't out rank booze.

I don't think he should have the "power" to make any decisions about this wedding, of course that is just my opinion and I did not tell Lucy that. What I did tell her was, do NOT worry about ME-just have the best wedding day ever. I will dress up the kid, drop him off and pick him up when its all over. I don't want to be the cause of any unnecessary drama or awkwardness. I wish her well. But it still hurts like hell.


Chunks of Reality said...

I'm sure that it does hurt. I hope that you take that time while he is at the wedding and do something special for yourself. A massage would be good.

Keep your chin up. You are doing great!

sober white women said...

I know how you feel. Come on over and we will eat cream puffs together!

Bill said...

Oh, the stupid shit we do when we are active.
No shit! And don't forget the stupid shit that our friends & family do when we are active. She's trying to do the right thing, but it's for the wrong reasons. I know you will do your best not to take it personally.

Have fun doing something that doesn't involve getting all dolled up for a stupid wedding.

Gin said...

I hate how confusing it can be dealing with this darn disease in it's active state, (sometimes even when it's inactive). I feel bad for the both of you. Caught between a rock and a hard place. Try to have a good weekend regardless. Maybe through darts at a dart board with POS's face on it????? That was wrong right???? I probably shouldn't have said that... :-)

big Jenn said...

Drama and misery. That's all that active addiction is. Look at it this way, sometimes weddings are a real pain in the ass when you're about the only one who isn't drinking, so maybe God's looking out for YOU. Just sayin' jeNN

Syd said...

It does hurt. When things that hurt like this happen, I have to remind myself over and over that I am powerless over others. Eventually, that gets into my thick skull and I can let the resentment go.

Vivvy said...

I'm sorry she's hurt your feelings. You are a wonderful person and don't deserve that.

Indigo said...

Without a doubt I know my daughter loves me. Yet I also realize she takes me for granted and will always try to win her father's favor (won't ever happen in a million years, a fact she's slowly beginning to realize). And yes, it does hurt. Especially when you're the one who cares about your stepdaughter and the one who has been there for her.

In the end try to look at it the way I do with my daughter. She comfortable enough with the relationship to know you'll be in her corner no matter what. You don't have to make her compete for you. (Hugs)Indigo