Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Surrender


Until I fully surrendered, I could NOT stay away from that first drink. I was a sloooow learner and it was not until 13 years after my first rehab in 1992 that I finally put it down. I remember when I came back in 2005, I was still not ENTIRELY ready. I went to meetings regularly, but I was also DRINKING regularly. I do NOT recommend this method to anyone and I try not to mention it around newcomers. Threes nothing like a head full of AA and a belly full of booze. It was agonizing but I persevered and "kept coming" like I always heard and one day it just stuck. Thank you God.

I see people coming in and out of the rooms of AA. Some just go out and never come back. Some are are still out there suffering and some are dead. This is a deadly disease and when I see a fellow AA member out there suffering it not only hurts but it also helps me. It helps me by reminding me of where I will be if I choose to drink again.

I thankfully still have my job and recently I have seen someone from the fellowship (FORMALLY-I suppose) who is ripping us off blind and coming in to return the items for cash. This is someone who asked me to sponsor her and I agreed to do it temporarily. She never called me and the next time I saw her was months later when she came back and got her one year chip. I remember feeling relieved that she was still working her program.

I know her and I feel for her, but I try to intercept the transaction when I see her in the store. I will NOT give her cash. She looks like hell and she doesn't even know who I am. Or maybe she does and just doesn't care. She is back out there and it's incredibly sad.

All I can do is pray for her and others that are out there suffering. They know where to go for help and I hope they make it back safely.

I am grateful for AA and the fellowship. I pray that I will not have to worry about coming back in, but you just never know.

I heard something profound in a meeting last night that I would like to share with you. My friend Peter was sharing and he said "I have never heard of someone going back out there and drinking again that prayed to their Higher Power that morning to keep them from a drink for that day." This man has quite a few 24 hours and I love what he has to say, every time he shares.

You all have a great HUMP day and stay sober with me.....QUEEN....OUT

7 comments:

Gledwood said...

my life must be in God's hands otherwise I'd be long dead

Gin said...

Love, love, love that first quote! Have a beautiful sober day!

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Queenneenee,
I'm sorry to mess with your plan, but I'm planning to drink a glass of wine tonight. However, I will drink to your sobriety.

Love,

SB

Syd said...

Great stuff Queen. Thanks for sharing this. There but for the grace of God....

Zanejabbers said...

Hey Queenneenie, thanks for the drop by. Good post tonight.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Great post, it is so hard and sad when we see others out there suffering needlessly, but a wise man always says at a meeting I attend; "sometimes you're just not done until you're done".

Great quote from your friend. Hope you're doing well and many hugs!

G

Lou said...

Wow, appreciate the honesty about meetings and drinking. Sometimes it sounds like everyone just went to AA one day, and that was it...
I know it ain't THAT easy!