Sunday, April 26, 2009

Its a LOVE thing/and Weekend Update

Many thanks to my fellow blogger friends Atiyanna and Lou for bestowing upon yer Queen this lovely award. I have enjoyed my new journey in sobriety and brought it to bloggerville about six months ago and have found some wonderful people here. I have learned a lot, met some really awesome people, and plan to stick around a while because there's a whole lot more I need to learn and its just plain fun to have a recovery network when I am here online as well as "off".

LOVE YA blog award: "These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in self-aggrandisement. Our hope is when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers. Deliver this award to eight more bloggers who must choose eight more."

Here are my nominations in no particular order:

Sarah at Complications of a Perfect Life

Robin at Bean's Path

Akannie at Elegant Blessings

Bill from Life on Planet Bill

Live and Learn the Hard Way

Sophie at Sophie in the Moonlight

Anybeth is Swimming in Clear Water

and finally Mr. ZaneJabbers

Please be sure to drop in on these awesome people, some in recovery, some are not. Some are friends I have connected with while trying to learn more about my sons' mental health issues. In any case, they all rock and you should pay them a visit if you have the time.

So as for my weekend-you know the one that was supposed to be spent at a spiritual retreat for women in recovery-it didn't go as planned. There are a few reasons for my sudden change of plans. My son was supposed to go to my sisters' house for the weekend. Supposed being the key word. It could not happen. There was MUCH drama going on there and it was to chaotic in her home for me to bring my son up there. Now she reads this blog and she knows how I feel about her situation, so I won't pull any punches here. She is living with a chronic alcoholic. He showed some interest in AA a few months ago, but nothing ever came of it. The day I was supposed to leave for the retreat, he had to be brought to the emergency room. He was having symptoms related to a heart attack, so she brought him there. This man has a history of a "panic/anxiety" disorder. I flat out told him this disorder was alcohol related. I am no doctor, but I had the same issues when I was actively drinking MYSELF to death and I truly think it is related to his alcoholism. I think he is NOT forthcoming with his doctors/emergency room people (I know I WASN'T!) I told him when I stopped drinking the anxiety just went away.

This man KNEW we were burying my uncle on Saturday. He KNEW that my sister had some important stuff to do this weekend. But it has to be about HIM. All the sudden, he needed medical attention and was manipulating his children into thinking that my sister doesn't care about his health. He has pitted the kids against her and out of guilt, she brought him into the ER.(They wanted to keep him for observation, but he has no ins. so he left). When I spoke to her after she dropped him off at the ER, she started to tell me all of what was going on and she cried, A LOT. She was so distraught over what he has put her through, and now has her children thinking that SHE is some kind of monster, that she just balled. I told her that she needs to get the hell out of that house and that her kids need al-anon/teen. The whole family is suffering and there is not a damn thing that I can do but make these suggestions. I pray that she takes them, I really do. I know what she's going through because I LIVED IT with POS. She is living my old life and it is difficult to watch her go through it. She is drinking too much, and I know what that's all about too. I drank so I wouldn't have to deal with the BS too. And it just made the situation worse. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Her alcoholic will never leave and she know this. She is going to have to be the strong one.

So when I decided that it would not be a good idea to bring my son there, I called a brother. I told him of my situation and he said NO. I was floored. I still am. I am usually the first one to help out a family member and when I need a favor, which is not very often, and I get shot down, it pisses me the fuck off. I was hurt and then pissed at his reaction to my plea for help. He said "Well if I had some kind of notice, and besides I have a FUNERAL to go to tomorrow." I guess that was a shot at me for going away instead of going to my uncles funeral. THEN he said "Well what about Johnny? (our very alcoholic brother)-haha." Yes, he snickered when he suggested that. I was beyond pissed that he even suggested that. That same evening my brother Johnny showed up at my uncles wake-DRUNK. So NO that was not an option, and not funny that he even said that to me.

So that my friends is what happened to my weekend. I want to say to my little sista B - I love you very much and mean it when I say you are always welcome to come here. I know how devastating this disease is and how it destroys families. I want the best for you and your children and right now you are all in peril, you really are. I am willing to help-please just reach out and take the steps to make your family well.



Lou said...

You had to make a choice, the retreat or your son.
How sad your sister is not ready to make a move. You can only keep suggesting to her..and offering her a refuge..

Akannie said...

Oh, Neenee...

Sorry you missed your retreat, but could be this is part of the Grand Design for helping your sis. I have a sister that lives with a so-dry-he's-ready-to-burst-into-flames A*^&hole and I just wish I could rescue her and I can't.

You are right about one thing. Her alcoholic will never leave. Why would he? Arrgghhh...this kind of stuff makes me crazy. I could come over and punch your brother for you. Would that help?

I have a big crazy family too. A couple of drunks: one dry, one wet. A couple of teetotallers-very hard to be around sometimes. And a normal one, who we always used to say he looks like the milkman and tease him about not being one of us.

So I can come and hold your hand and punch your brother. We'll make him sorry he was ever a jerk. ('Cuz, that's what you do with brothers.)

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox [BIG hugs]

Hurricane Heather said...

I was once married to an alcoholic. Your stories ring so true to me....Old feelings and emotions and agonies come to the surface. And then I just raise my eyes to the heavens and thank GOD that HE led me down a different path.
If I were your friend in 'real' life, I would have taken your son.
And no...I'm not a stalker!
Keep on trucking on your journey...I will pray that others in your life will follow your example.
You are such an inspiration to so many.
Congratulations on your well-deserved award!

Gledwood said...

when I stopped drinking the anxiety just went away...

Really? That's pretty cool!

Indigo said...

I agree the anxiety went away for me too and so did the abuse I suffered as well.

I only hope your sister is hearing you dear friend. As Lou said all you can do is keep holding a hand out and wait for her to grab on.

Robin said...

Sorry about the retreat :(

And...thank you for nominating me!

Anonymous said...

I do hear you and I'm sorry about your retreat I really am. Love you

sKILLz said...

Cool Award!
Lou is one cool freaking MOFO! Love that bitch I swear!
I have nothing but the highest respect for her.
As well as all the parents on here who have children as addicts.
My being a addict and seeing the shit I put my mother threw and reading there shit makes me that's much more grateful for having the relationship that I have with her now..

At one point you had to make a choice, your son or the retreat!

See how you would have done something right away and your OWN family didn't do shit and didn't want to. Doesn't that bother the SHIT out of you?
Fucked up!!!!