Sunday, February 1, 2009

I'm soooo changing the channel-My Story


My boy has gone off to bed, so buh bye Superbowl! YEAH for me. Well that is after I'm done here. Back in the day (the drinking days) there would have been a big ass party here. It would usually end when the hostess with that mostest-umhm~moi~would either pass out, or throw them out! Ahhhh.. Good times. Good times. Or we would go out to whomever's house was throwing the bash if for some reason I wasn't having it.
Now don't get me wrong, some of these WERE really good times. If you did not ever have a good time while you were an active alkie, you were totally ripped off. The unmanageability and misery doesn't usually start when you start your drinking career. I didn't become really chronic until I found myself at home with a baby in an extremely dysfunctional realtionship with the baby daddy. I was now a mommy and I couldn't go out and party anymore, so I "partied" all by my lonesome in the comfort of my home. Baby daddy aka POS (piece of shit) aka LOSER would also partake. Forgive my bluntness about POS but his so deserves it. Trust me on this one. He was (is) quite the active alcoholic as well.
I have told my story an a few occassions, at speaker meetings in town here and out on the road. I often say that I feel like I "lost" a good 10 years of my life, due to alcoholism. I amashamed to say that I realy do not remember much of the first 10 years of my sons' life. that I can NEVER get that back. EVER. I blame no one for my alcoholism. I do blame myself for not getting out of that relationship much sooner. To be continued.......

8 comments:

Fractalmom said...

Queenie. You DID get out. That's what matters. Don't spend valuable energy on shit you can't change. Change the future.

{{hugs}} for strength!!

steveroni said...

Hey, queeneenee--did I get that right? Oh forgot a capital Q. Came on your blog via dAAve I think--shit I can't remember from minute to minute.

Anyway, your style of writing is refreshing, in a way (had to salt tat down -grin). Your story, similar to mine andmany others--except I am (WAS! pardonay moowa) that POS. Maybe I still am a pos on occasion, but I keep tying to behave in a suitable, sober fashion MOST of the time.

Anyways--nice to read you, this is a nice home here, I hope many of us will visit you.

I'm gonna link to you on my blog tonight (Fourth Tradition) if I ever get to it -grin!
Steve E.

Bill said...

dAAve sent me over. I've enjoyed reading the first page, and I'd say more but I have to get back to your blog. Great stuff!

Gledwood said...

O the superbowl haha! Didn't I blarble on about that one before...

I just wanted to ask you re BIPOLAR (if you don't mind) what your interest is?

I've had something "mental" going on for years and I've no idea what it is. It has made me go totally barking mad. Fair enough I was piping crack at the peak of it all, but it started when I was not on crack. I've had all manner of weird experiences. My mood used to swing like the tides. My opiate addiction has flattened this out a lot... But I've still hyper-responded to antidepressant medication and become very restless and sort of "high" off it

I've scrupulously avoided ever telling any doctors about this as I was terrified of the bipolar diagnosis... but I wonder whether that's me. Or at least if I'm a little in that direction, if you get my gist...

GratefulOne said...

Welcom. Keep coming back, it works if you work it....

Indigo said...

I stopped by way of Daave..I can't tell you how many bar Super Bowl parties I attended and didn't leave till closing. If I think on the years I lost drinking...it seems hopeless. Considering I started at 16 and didn't slow down until I crashed at 38.

I keep telling myself the rest of my life lived sober will somehow balance out the first half...I have to believe that anyway. Nice to meet you dear friend and I'll be back by this way again. (Hugs)Indigo

Sarah said...

Hey girl! I know exactly what ya mean when you say good times! Sometimes I miss that reckless lifestyle, and it turned into alcoholism, for me, when I, too, was stuck at home with the babies.

Just recently, in this last year or so, I have been able to host these shindigs again. I can now be around a bunch of drunks if they are only drinking beer (NOT a temptation for me due to the amount that I would have to consume anyhows) and now I am having a great time having people over again.

Last night was my new good times - sober. Cool, eh?

Pam said...

I hated my ex for many years for his abusive alcoholic ways.
The truth is though that I too am an alcoholic and had no more control of it than he did.
I hope the people I hurt don't hold a grudge nearly as long as I did.
It's an awful disease.