Post # 100

Well ladies and gentleman, I'd like to thank all my faithful followers and stalkers alike (ya- -I WISH) for hanging on with me as I ride this sometimes rocky journey of mine. Rocky as it is at times, it is a walk in the park compared to the old road I was on. I have enjoyed this online part of my recovery. I welcome all comments and opinions. It's amazing to me that some of the people like myself, who have been to hell and back through the years of abusing ourselves with alcohol and drugs, give the best advice you could ever get. It is greatly appreciated and I am so grateful that I have found this online recovery community.

What else am I grateful for?

I am grateful for the new attitude and new outlook I now have in life.

I am grateful for getting through last week without verbally or physically injuring former family members for the way that they treated my son.

I am grateful that I am FINALLY letting go some of that ANGER and RESENTMENT that I felt towards some people last week. OH ITS STILL THERE, but it lessens each and every day the more I pray for it to be lifted.

I am grateful that I had an awesome meeting at my home group tonight. GUESS WHO gets to lead the meeting for the next 3 months? Yours Truly.

I WAS NOT grateful for having to lead the meeting and did NOT want to attend tonight. HOWEVER, I was grateful once the meeting was over and it went without a hitch. WHEW.

Blast-O-Butter Popcorn.

I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to GO ON VACATION next week! We are heading to Lake George, NY. Any suggestions on good lodging would be welcomed and appreciated. Either that or I throw a dart at my monitor and that's where the Queen shall lay her head for the week.

I am grateful that you all didn't RUN FOR THE HILLS when you read the craziness in last weeks posts.

You all have a kick ass evening. I know I will. QUEEN......OUT

FYI-I hit spell check and they were NO MISSPELLINGS found. Maybe there IS hope for those old bruised and battered brain cells.

Just Because the Monkey is Off Your Back...

SO does not mean the circus has left town.

Peanuts, popcorn....get 'cher popcorn, peanuts here!

First of all THANKS TO ALL OF YOU, for your comments, support and prayers and love and EVERYTHING-always-but mostly after my last post. I want to get y'all up to speed on how J is doing.

He is STILL angry! But not as bad. Together with his pdoc we are taking him off of lamictal, which is the med he started about a month ago(when the ANGER started). I already knew this and have been slowly weaning him off. Which is BTW the exact same thing I suggested at our last appt. with pdoc. It didn't happen then and when I saw he was getting worse, I reduced it. I read up on all his meds and I know how it needs to be done. I am NOT Dr. Queenie, I know this. But when I called her, GUESS WHAT SHE TOLD ME TO DO? Decrease the lamictal for a week (um, yea-done) and then take him off. So today is the first day I won't be giving it to him. We will see how he is in the next few days. I took the week off of work to keep a close eye on him. Thankfully, he is off from school this week. What a shitty vacation for him, poor kid.

On the plus side, I have been a nervous wreck BUT when I am like this I CLEAN. I USED to drink, but now I clean. My kitchen is looking pretty spiffy. I am like a madwoman, but that's OK. It needed to be done, trust me, lol. In fact I got so IN to it that I went to set my timer on my microwave for something and it said 3:05 and I went to reset the time-looked at my kitchen clock and guess what time it was, 3:05! Fuck me. I thought it was like noontime, at the latest. Time flies when the circus is in town kids.

Ok I had to stop and wash my floor, but I'm back. Lost my train of thought a bit but with only the one brain cell I have left, its fuckin hard as hell to multi-task. I have been drinking so much coffee that the Starbucks stock had to have taken a hit today.

More good news. A family member approached me about going to an AA meeting for the first time. YEAAAAA! How sweet is that! He is supposed to come to a meeting with me tonight. My home group. So there are plenty of guys I can introduce him to, as well as be there for him through his first meeting. I have been WAITING for this to happen, and I am sooooooooo happy that he talked with me yesterday and said all the right things about why he wants to take this step. Hiding bottles, isolating, anxiety, health reasons, the insanity, the not being able to control it himself, etc. You know all the same reasons why we all (well, me anyway) surrendered. This makes Queenie a very happy girl.

See, even though I'm in the middle of a bunch of bullshit (that shit fairy NEEDS to move on for the love of GOD) there is still some pretty positive and uplifting stuff going on here. I am trying to ease my sons' pain and hopefully tonight my brother-in-law will begin to heal his troubled life. Things are looking up, the glass is half FULL. I always try to look at things optimistically. <---Is that even a word? Spell check will let me know. I think it is. lol. So I must go for now, I have brownies to bake for my fellow alkies in recovery tonight. I am the snack chick and I don't want them to go all crazy on me if there are no goodies. Boy, I can't wait to see BIL(brother-in-law) pick up a 24 hour chip tonight. With Gods help, anything is possible. He has definitely got my attention and I hope he's got my back. Thanks for the prayers. Queenie OUT